So it turns out I haven't finished embarrassing myself just yet. My brain and body tend to work in a tag team sort of fashion but this time it was aaaaaaall body.
This story starts off with a little bit of history about my hip. When I was born I had congenital hip displasia, which means that a newborn with this condition either has a dislocated hip or is more prone to dislocation. There are several treatment options including splints, surgery or, in my case, the double nappy which makes the wearer seem as if they have constantly just left a fresh parcel for mum or dad...
It wasn't overly hi-tech, but it seemed to do the trick. Now fast-foward twenty five years. For the past few years I have noticed a slight ache in my left leg. Like a responsible adult I have ignored the crap out of it until it started impacting my life. When it is at it's peak I get such a pain that I have trouble walking. That seems to be the threshhold for getting something done and no longer ignoring it. I have had a bunch of doctors visits and seen an orthopaedic surgeon or two and it turns out that I have trochanteric tendanopathy and bursitis... = Lots of stupid pain + lots of money spent.
Anyway, I am in the process of getting it all sorted with lots of needles and physio. In the mean time I need to earn a wage to pay for all the crap it needs. Unfortunately it turns out a leg is pretty important when it comes to working so I have had to have some days off. Yesterday I was determined to make it to work and get me some dough.
It was a lovely shift, I was chatting with patients and their families. It was about three hours in and I had just helped my patient into the toilet and was giving her some privacy. I shut the door, turned around and took about two steps. Fuck, I thought, I can't walk. The pain was shooting in my hip joint so I stood there, on one leg looking about for someone to rescue me!
One of my nursey friends walks down the hall and stops and just looks at me. I can see his head turning to the side like a puppy who doesn't understand why eating dirt is bad. Once I tell him what is going on all hell breaks loose! There are nurses coming at me from all directions! A couple run out the back and get an office chair so they can get me out the back and out of the hall, running into a couple of bookshelves on my way in! One of my nursey friends is hugging me, giving me tissues (I wasn't crying!), offering me tea and coffee and crouching down in front of me.... I was waiting for her to throw herself at me in a hug again!
I can feel everyone staring at me, doctors included... Soon I am given a hot pack and I am getting a cab called. One of the nurses scampers in and hands me hot packs and pain killers like a convert special ops and pretty soon they are organising a wheel chair for me.
Can I point out that at this time EVERYONE KNOWS what is going on. I am told jokingly that there are two options, they can send me home in a cab or they can put me in a bed but that means that some one has to do swabs... And one of them goes up your nose, just imagine where the other one goes... Not to mention the jokes about if I were a horse and all...
Eventually they get a wheelchair (The first one was stolen! Who steals a wheelchair, really?) and I am wheeled though the hospital where nurses I don't even know are asking me what happened! One of them says to me 'You know the place is in trouble when the nursing staff are in the wheelchairs!'
All in all it was waaaay more excitement than I had planned for the day. The worst part will be going back to work on Sunday...
