HEY! GERONIMO!!!

So, since I have all but abandoned posting on my blog I thought I would make an amazing and spectacular comeback! But then I realised that, well... I got nothing.  So instead I thought I would share this with you:

 

 

This is a song by a Brisbane band called Hey Geronimo.  I worked with them on the Plants Vs Zombies part of the film clip with a brilliant make-up artist (who also invited me to the project), Brian Craddock.  Although we only have a small part in this clip you can recognise me by looking out for the zombie with the red starting flag... Yes, I may have been pole dancing with it.  And please don't be upset that they have no idea how to play PvZ (I was one of the few there who had ever played it) because the sunflowers were arranged to be aesthetically pleasing and not to be tactical... Everyone  knows you put your sunflowers at the back....

If you don't hear from me, I'm not dead.

I just got MW3 hot off the shelf from a midnight release, so if I am absent send an intervention party, not a search party.  I hope to write about the amazingness of this game but right now I am conserving my energy for work and CoD and breathing. Anything else can take a back seat... Breathing almost didn't make that short list..

The Start of a New Blogging Era... Wild Cam

 This was going to be a spectacular blog post but because I am obviously technology illiterate this is the best I can do.  Click below to see today's post. Enjoy!

It's on YouTube now! YAAAAAAY!!!!

All you ever wanted to know about Hambo-42

Although I play with many people online I have one core group of people that I am linked to as part of my clan. They are the people of team FC (don't ask what it stands for. Seriously. I mean, whatever you are thinking of it isn't far from that).  And I love my team.  Here is what one of my awesome team members wrote for my bio.  I think he did a great job!!

Name: Hambo-42
Real Name: Samantha Holman
Resides: Auchenflower, QLD
Rank: Prestige 4
Claim To Fame: Highest Team FC S/Min, Partner of Gibbo-47, Being Female
Favourite Gun: Enfield (Taken from Combat Record)
Favourite Kill Streak: Spy Plane
Favourite Perk: Ghost Pro
Greastest Strength: Accuracy, Picking people off with Ghost, Mercenary TDM
Greastest Weakness: Zombies, Pressure Situations, TDM when in a Clan

TDM Stats:
K/D - 1.50
S/Min - 199.48

Hambo-42 is the only female in FC and holds the highest TDM kill/death ratio in the clan. Hambo's ruthless tactics of picking people off with Ghost Pro has ensured she kills at least 3 people for every 2 deaths. Noted for falling behind when playing as part of a clan, Hambo-42 flys the flag for team FC solo, ruthlessly hunting down and destroying the opposition without any help from her clan buddies. Being partnered to another team FC member Gibbo-47 means that both Hambo-42 and gibbo-47 have to "happily" share the one playstation which is why Hambo-42 has only made the 4th prestiged rank. As much as she loves them, her biggest weakness is probably zombie gameplay as the pressure gets a bit to intense in the later rounds. Having said that, a few hours training with zombie captain Operative, Hambo could quite well crush all of us in the zombies setting as she is the most accurate member in team FC. Here is a few stats to blow you mind; Overall Accuracy 15.14%, Enfield Accuracy 15.24% and 7.4% of kills come from headshots. Now come on fellas, with stats like those and a KD of 1.50, aren't you grateful she is on our side???? I know I am!

Doogster86 out....

All Night CoD Extravaganza!!

One of the unfortunate things about being a nurse is the need to do night duty.  Fortunately, one of the perks of having to forcibly readjust your sleeping pattern is that it allows you to do otherwise antisocial and useless activities. Enter CoD.  Generally in my house it is a competition between myself and boyfriend for CoD time which is juggled in between crucial tv programs such as Rush and Neighbours (That's right, judgers!!!).  But not tonight.  Tonight I am preparing my body for night duty.

Since I would have to be awake tomorrow night during the hours when I would normally be drooling on my pillow the logical thing is to stay up. Until the sun comes up.  But because I am getting old and grumpy this is proving harder than I imagined.  I started playing at about... 10pm?

0117 Update: So far I have managed to convince two random strangers and a friend (Verminkilla- he wanted a mention) not to go to bed and to stay up all night playing CoD with me. One has to be up in 3hrs. There has been a massive amount of swearing.  Most of the things said do not actually make sense. I have no idea what is going on... My ratio has been in the positives pretty much all night. AKA I am awesome.  I may be getting slightly sleeping but so far so good.

0203 Update: I am almost blind, I have a stage one pressure ulcer in my left ear and yet some how I am awesome. Verminkilla- has said at least 30 times that he is going to bed. He is obviously still playing.  I AM INVINCIBLE. Lowest ratio of the last 5 games is 1.11. 

0305 Update: We are all delirious. We lost one but Vermin and FairyGobMother are STILL playing. We are singing and probably dancing. We got kicked from the original lobby and now I am starting to go downhill. Also, Vermin was playing the Cantina song from Star Wars. I loved it.

0415 Update: Sweet Jesus. I think I am going to die.  Vermins alarm to get up for work just went off. We convinced him to play another game but he won't stay home from work.  I may have eaten one too many left over cupcakes and now my mouth feels like sand. I am resisting the urge to go to bed.

0436 Update: I am done. My eyes feel like I have run out of tears, my brain hurts and I feel a little disorientated... I said goodbye to my last friend on and now it is all turned off. What a huge fucking night.  Oh dear god. What the hell is that noise??? Is it birds...

0454 Update: So now I have showered, I am brushing my teeth and going to bed. I am going to try and get to sleep before it gets too light and John gets up. GOOD EFFING NIGHT ^.^

A Top Ten Worth Reading.

It has come to my attention that the Internet is full of people giving advice when they are evidently not qualified to do so.  My boyfriend and I are looking into fun things to do in Brisbane and interesting ways to meet new people.  Most people who write advice for this topic obviously have never had to do any of these things as evidenced by this website.  Really? 'Get a Dog and Walk Everywhere: go to parks and the beach with your dog. Dogs are great people meeters!' or my personal favourite 'Go to Flea Markets and Antique Shows: While you're browsing the finds, you can people watch.'  I'm pretty sure I wasn't looking for 'How to stalk and rape people'...

Another website tells me about the Top Ten Things To Do In October.  I never realised October was such a boring month.  I mean sure, they all have some relevance to October in some way but COME ON.  Eat a vegetarian meal? They could at least make it interesting.  Maybe something like 'Eat your body weight in vegetarian lasagna and falafels and then bask naked in the sun outside your local meat works'.

This has led me to making my own Top Ten Things To Do In October.  I feel I am more than qualified to give this advice because, not only am I not a massive douche bag, I also actually do things. 

1. Commit a serious crime, like armed robbery or grand theft auto.  It is difficult, hell, almost impossible not to meet people when you are in prison.  And if you are pretty you will make twice the friends!

2. Become a stalker! You get to meet who ever you want, whenever you want! If Mohammad won't
 come to the mountain...

3.  Have puppies in your van/basement.

Ok. Now the fun ones are over it is time for the real advice. I really hope people read this far before first taking action....

1.  Go to a Zombie Walk.  If where you live doesn't have one, create one! Get a group of friends together and get all gored up.  Just make sure that if you are doing it in a large group that you have police permission.  It's no fun being a Zombie in handcuffs.  Or is it... 

2. Celebrate Halloween.  Even if you don't have your own party or invites to a friends, there are plenty of ways to celebrate All Hallows Eve just the same.  Movie World has a cool night where people come along all dressed up to scare and entertain those not game enough to suit up. There is even a street party for people to go to if they live in Brisbane.  Some advice though, if you are going alone try not to dress up as an evil clown or an equally pedophile-looking character...

3.  What is October known for apart from Halloween? If you don't know this one you really do need to get out more.  OKTOBERFEST!  So get your lederhosen on and a couple of friends, or even go on your own (drunks are always friendly!) and eat drink and be merry!  It's festivals like this that have people talking to complete strangers just because they like your look of your dirndl.

4.  Go to the Lone Pine Koala Sanctuary.  No punch line in this one. Koalas are just too damn cute. Plus they have an adorable fat platypus, some awesome Tassie devils and wildlife EVERYWHERE.

5.  Get your ass down to EB Expo.  It is a weekend of fantasy for gamers.  Try out new games, get involved in the cosplay and god knows what else in this orgasmic event for nerd.  I know I have my ticket!

6.  Go paintballing.  This is the perfect time of year to go paintballing, before it gets too hot and after it is so cold that your fingers become a casualty to frost bite.  This is the one I have been to a few times and it is pretty kick ass.

7.  See Bear Grylls live on stage!  Although this show would probably have the same level of 'danger' as his real shows, I imagine he would be quite entertaining.  Having said that, if he didn't eat at least 3 things on stage that I could find under a rock in my back yard, I would not be impressed.

8.  If you are more into comedy and less into eating spiders and snakes, maybe you might like to see Carl Barron Live? As far as Australian stand-up is concerned he is definitely one to see.  If only to check if his head really does resemble a bobble head toy.  For me, that just adds to his charm...

9.  Do something crazy.  One of my friends got dressed up like the Ghostbusters crew with a few of his friends, ran around Southbank chasing a ghost and filmed it.  Sounds ridiculous but they had the most fun and people at Southbank thought they were pretty cool. Just make sure if you are doing something out there like this that you do not use life like guns or bring replica swords along.  Apparently the police don't really like that.

10.  Eat your own body weight in Pancakes.  The Pancake Manor is the perfect place to do this. I put this as number ten partly because I had nothing left and partly because it gives me free reign to eat a bazillion pancakes.

I hope you found this more helpful than the average crappy Things To Do page.  Now excuse me while I go off to eat pancakes, shoot people and scare small children.

Blurring The Line - Religion Vs. Science

Disclaimer: The following post contains strong scientific and religious references.  If you are easily offended by the facts of science I would recommend not reading on.  I must also mention that I have been fairly blunt regarding Christianity in relation to actual facts and the lack thereof in biblical mythology.  You have been warned.

I was raised a Catholic girl.  I went to church, prayed before Sunday lunch and was scared into honesty by my mother telling me that God knew when I was lying.  I went to a Catholic school - 5 of them in fact.  Although I wouldn't call myself an active member of the Catholic community I wouldn't go so far as to say I am an Atheist.

Despite my strong religious upbringing I have always been a student of science.  From my first science experiment in grade 2, where we grew peas in the dark or in a fridge, I have been in love with science.  I love the fact that some things are governed by set rules that are set in stone, so you always know where you stand.  Like gravity.  It has never let me down.  If I jumped from a building I can be certain I would not float into space.  Gravity is a handy science explained phenomenon.

I support the belief that not all things in religion are made to be taken literally and that science and religion are not necessarily mutually exclusive. However, I do have a real problem when children are taught a completely biased version where religion is infallible and that science is made up by atheist scientist types.  This is true especially considering the power religion has shown to have when attempting to control and manipulate the masses (see - the crusades, witch burning and the recent rapture, the last of which I felt was less torturey and much more pleasant than predicted).

A confidential informant of mine has provided me with information that a high school in Brisbane is teaching Creationism in science.  'Big deal', I hear you say.  At first I felt the same way.  Let me show you why I have since changed my mind...

Looks innocent enough, right?

It starts out like any old school book.  At first you don't really notice the bias towards Creationism and against Evolution.  But once you start to see it, you can't stop finding it...

This little gem is a good sign of things to come...

And even on the same page - did you notice this?

Almost slipped by me...

Strange... As my anonymous source put it 'I thought evil was a concept created by man, rather than an actual fact'.  If anyone can submit a paper or any kind of evidence other than voodoo tarot card mumbo jumbo PROVING the consciousness of God I will eat my words. Or my shoes. Hell, I would even eat an elephant taco, make up any kind of crazy thing and I will eat it because I will be in too much shock to argue.

Keep in mind this is only the first page.  I don't have time to show everything, which is truly a tragedy.  This stuff is blogging GOLD.

This book is very quick to dismiss any kind of evidence supporting Evolution.  It goes on to say that the Peppered Moth Theory is complete and utter bullocks because they had to pin some of the moths to trees to take photos of the quick little buggers.  I guess you could argue that it isn't an ideal experiment.

Only problem is no where in the book does it allow for criticism of any aspect of Creationism where there are several pages purely dedicated to the limitations of science and they theory of Evolution.  Apparently because the theory of Creationism is based on the word of God (well, mostly on people who claimed to hear the word of God) it is infallible and literal.  In a book that says love thy neighbour etc ad finitum but in the bible (where all their reliable information is sourced) they are sure are quick to pull this one out: "If there is a man who lies with a male as those who lie with a woman, both of them have committed a detestable act; they shall surely be put to death." 1 Cor 6:9 and yet they say not to kill and to love one another.  No wonder people get confused, damnit. Make your frigging mind up!

This page is very telling...

The highlighted section in the above picture is a nice way of showing them gently guiding the students towards what they 'observe' rather than what science can prove.  On this page you will notice that it has a long paragraph explaining why evolutionists believe what they want to believe and do not consider the presence of a God, but I think you will find a blinding absence of the examples of how Creationists do not even consider Evolution because the book told them so.

I am not normally a big fan of using the word 'prove' when talking about science as it is more technically correct as the general consensus is that science doesn't prove, it supports.  But I can say that there is a lot of evidence that VERY HEAVILY supports the Earth being older than a few thousand years old.  This next picture shows the evidence that dinosaurs were on earth with people. Oh, yes. It gets better.

I have seen Behemoths in Fallout and they are totally not dinosaurs...

Apparently Adam and Eve would have shared the Earth with dinosaurs.  Now I KNOW if they shared the Earth with velociraptors they would have gotten eaten.  They may have been good, but they are not Jeff Goldblum.  We aren't sure why dinosaurs died out but this book at least rules out drowning in the great flood.  I bet Noah had fun trying to stop the compsognathus couple from lunching on the squirrels...

This explains a lot.  Actually...

Now it is one thing to say these things about what they believe in.  That is fine, religion is all about putting your beliefs to the test.  But the next image is just plain crazy.

Who did the research for this bloody book?

No where does it say in the theory of Evolution that God does not exist.  It simply says that God did not create the earth as is today around 6000 years ago.  It never says that he does not exist.  It also never mentions that there is no life after death.  Gee, way to make Evolutionists look like boring and pessimistic bastards.  Actually, that may be the very point.

I think that it is sad that it seems like some Christians feel that Evolutionists are out to make people disbelieving sinners and that there is no way the two can co-exist.  I know this is probably a small fraction of Christians who share this biased and unforgiving view of how the world came to be, most people I talk to who identify as Christian welcome the thoughts of evolutionists and see it as a more likely start to the world.  No one ever said that the world wasn't created by God.  I just think that Evolution is how life came to be as it is now and that there is no way Noah could have handled himself with a velociraptor on board, regardless of the forces at work...

Some Words With Friends*

Everyone is so into their phones at the moment. If it isn't that idiotic Angry Birds (where birds are launched into the air as small feathered bombs and missiles... yes, I know you probably know what is about because you play it, but I just wanted you to see how stupid it actually sounds to other people) then it is this new game called Words With Friends.  Apparently it is the new thing.  I even jumped on and have started a couple of games.  It's like scrabble over the interwebs.  Sounds awesome, no?

I beg to differ.  Sure, it is an easy, intellectual way to interact with your friends and family BUT it showed it's true colours this morning. What the hell? I can't play a game this rubbish.

*Some words not included, sold separately (apparently)

4 Reasons Why Pants Are Overrated

Pants. Biggest overrated piece of clothing I have ever had the stupidity to waste my hard earned cash on. Ok, maybe in winter they are necessary. At least in public.  But do people seriously wear them at all when no one else is around?  Our house seems to have a pants optional policy, but then it is just my boyfriend and I. 

When we first moved out it was pants are banned. In fact most clothes were banned but that is just because when you first move out of home - and I mean really move out, with no housemates - you revert back to being a 3 year old.  We ate cereal at night, when the cutlery ran out we ate with chopsticks and pants were banned.

Pants in themselves are a pain.  I talk to a lot of people who agree that pants are overrated.  Just so you know, I am typing this pantsless.  I must clarify that by pants I mean the trouser/jean things, not nickers (because that would be plain weird). 

1. Pants are the first sign you are getting fat.
I have been trying to ignore the growing size of my rear for a few months now.  It's nothing massive but I am only small and every increase seems to be so much more obvious than on average sized people, at least to me.  For the past few weeks I have been doing my pants-dance to get my favourite jeans on.  I blamed it on the dryer shrinking my clothes. That was until my pants-dance couldn't even get my jeans on past my thighs.  Pants are overrated anyhow.

2. They are just more clothes to iron.
I hate ironing.  It is no secret.  I once accidentally ironed myself on the stomach (please don't ask) and it has been all downhill from there.  I did a pile of ironing today. It is still huge.  Either I forget about ironing my cute summer dresses or I ditch the pants.  Hardly a decision.

3. I always have to get them altered.
Do you have any idea how much it costs to get pants altered? $25 a pair. When I went to America I found these awesome jeans and they came in that short size, you know, for shorties like myself and you know something? They are still 2 inches too bloody long.  Apparently I am shorter than the average short person. Poo on you pants.

4. You only have to take them off again.
Self explanatory really.

MIA

I would like to start by apologising for my prolonged absence. I was going to make up a bunch of excuses about how I have been busy and how I have been meaning to write but I know you guys don't really care why.  To make up for it here are some things you missed while I was gone. Who knows, I might even write a post about them when I stop being so damn lazy...

I went to America. It was awesome. New York was poo.

I became a registered nurse and I started my new job. I FREAKING LOVE IT!!!

I prestiged again in CoD. Drinks all round!!!

My baby brother started crawling.  He is such a ratbag!!!

I spent all of my first paycheck on alcohol, clothes, food and random kitchen goods. Money well spent, I wish I could do this every paycheck!!!

I will try to write something worth reading sometime soon.  Thank you to the people who continue to read this blog despite its clear lack of structure or substance.  Unfortunately, this is how it is so don't expect any improvements!

Ham xx

Spammers, I am disappoint.

Some of you may recall that I have already written a post on spam in May.  At the time of that post I decided to make things interesting.  I disabled the spam blocker on my blogger account in the effort to attract more spam to deal with.  Actually, to attract any spam, since the only ones I have had so far were from Kristen and Lac who are not actually spam-bots.

Spammers, what the hell? Not a single spam entry since I disabled my spam safety net.  I know I am not the biggest blog... and in fact only have 18 people who follow me, but actually and very literally I AM BEGGING TO BE SPAMMED.  It is an open invitation and so far I am having a party with just me and the tramadol laced inheritance cake.  You will never get an easier target.  I won't even delete your spam, and instead display it proudly for all to see.

About the same time as my spam filter disabling, the forum where I spend a lot of my time upped its spam measures and I now have not disapproved any spam since MAY.  I am having withdrawals.  I might even make one of the tags for this post 'spam me damn it'.  Do you think that would work?  Or saying words like Canadian Pharmacies and Viagra? 

Spammers! Oh delightful morning on the Internet market.  Why you ever need flaming language for best possible? Post here Canadian pharmacy and best cost only Tramadol without prescription!  Freedom for posting and happy guarantee!

Please?

I am what I am from my childhood.

I think the reason I am such a strange character is clear from the stories of my childhood.  I was never very normal or straightforward, which I think is pretty obvious once you see the finished product. 

A prime example is of my sister's first birthday.  I was almost four and getting into all sorts of trouble in my grandmother's sewing cupboard.  At this stage I had just started sewing (But I still needed Grandma to thread the needle for me) and I wanted to make something to wear to her party.  A little over ambitious? Probably.  Likely to end up as an embarrassing photo for the whole wold to see? Most definitely.  Unfortunately instead of going for a modest dress or a nice dress suit I went with a bikini.  Why my parents allowed me to attend my sisters birthday party wearing a strip of fabric covering my nipples and a loin cloth I will never know.

Due to a lack of photographic evidence at this time this illustration will have to do.

Another issue of my childhood was that I was born without the instinct of stranger danger.  While my little sister would eye people off and keep her cute little mouth closed I would be blabbing my head off to some poor unsuspecting stranger.  To this day I have no concept of this very important survival instinct.  On the upside it means that it is easy for me to meet people and make friends.  On the downside it can get you into all kinds of trouble.  I have had several people of the male persuasion think that my lack of stranger danger means they can follow me home or stalk me at work.  I am slowly learning the importance of keeping my mouth zipped.

Being afraid of the dark is another throw back from my childhood.  I know, Hambo the zombie slayer afraid of the dark?  Don't ask me how or why, I just am.  I am ok as long as I don't realise I am in the dark.  Going to the toilet in the middle of the night is ok as long as my brain doesn't work.  I remember being only about nine years old and totally freaking myself out.  I had somehow convinced myself that there was a leopard in my room, crouching by my closed door just staring into my soul.  I couldn't blink.  In the end I managed to throw myself from my bed to my little sisters and fall asleep with her.  When I woke up in the morning it turned out that the 'leopard' was actually my school bag and I was a giant sissy.

Dream Job?

As some of you may know, I am about to graduate from a Bachelor of Nursing.  This is pretty freaking awesome and I can't wait to be freed from the shackles of student oppression and be freed into the paid workforce.  People ask me if I have always wanted to be a nurse and if it is my dream job.

Let me start by saying that I didn't realise I wanted to be a nurse until recently.  Looking back it all makes so much sense, but that is the beauty of hindsight.  HOWEVER. Nursing is not my dream job.  Who in their right mind would think: 'Yes. It has everything I could ever want in a job!'  Don't get me wrong. I totally love it.  The satisfaction and happiness I get from the care I give people when they need it most makes my heart sing.  But who in their right mind is totally happy that they have to deal with every gross bodily waste known to man? There are at least 5 jobs I would rather do instead of nursing.

'Why,' I hear you ask 'Don't you pursue those dream jobs?' Because real dream jobs don't actually give you any money and, in reality, they are probably things you would end up paying someone so you could do it.  Here is my list of top five jobs I would do if it were possible. I don't think it will take you very long to realise why no one would pay me a wage to do these...

1. Professional At-Home Sleeper
If someone paid me to sleep I would be a millionaire in no time.  I am the kind of person that can sleep anywhere, anytime.  I have slept through new year's parties (with no alcohol involved.  I once fell asleep halfway up the stairs (some alcohol may have been involved...).  I once had a nap where my torso was on the couch and the bottom half of me on the floor... You get the point.

2. Casual Cake Taster
The reason it says casual is so I can choose my own hours and cut them back when I start to put on the cake inner tube.  Imagine the kinds of cake I could eat... *drools* Piece of cake.

3. Dog and Cat Snuggler
Does your beautiful pooch or sweet kitty need an extra cuddle during the day? I am totally your person.  Also available for rat snuggling.  Grumpy owners and animals with attitude need not hire me.

4. Zombie extra
Do I even need to need to list why this would be awesome?

5. Video Game Tester
As long as I don't have to test kids video games like Dora the Explorer or some rubbish I could do this full time plus.  I would never need to leave the house! Sunlight? I don't need that, I have vitamin D pills.

Any of these jobs would be great.  I could even do them part-time after I finish my nursing shifts. Actually, you don't even need to pay me.

Black Ops is the best and worst game in the world.

I have come to this conclusion this very afternoon.  Black Ops and I have a bitter sweet romance that very often ends up with me screaming at the screen and flailing my limbs around.  Or sometimes dragging myself from the couch to the bedroom with red eyes at three in the morning.  Yet, somehow I end up romanticising the game and putting it into the PlayStation to wile away my precious few hours on a game that turns me into a raging mad woman.

This afternoon for instance I spent a full five minutes arguing with someone, who sounded like a prepubescent boy, about how he should turn his mic off while he eats chips.  For five minutes.  What is wrong with me? Why didn't I just mute him? Why didn't he mute me? Because Black Ops turns you into the Devil's spawn.  The swears that came out of his mouth!  The worst part was when I was telling him off I realised I probably sounded like his mother.  'Turn your mic off when you are eating chips!'  While I was at it I should have told him I would wash his mouth out with soap and roused at him for playing games instead of doing his homework. *facepalm*

When it comes to video games it's like I become a different person.  Like Jekyll and Hyde, I am a cute little girl who is into nice things and the moment Black Ops is on I become the power hungry, locked and loaded maniac who takes no prisoners.  When I play I pray for someone to tell me that I sound like a 10 year old boy so I can kick their ass and tell them how bad they must feel being beaten by a girl.  Or telling people to nick off when they find out I am a girl and try to be all nice.  Then I shut it off and go to work, chatting with patients and joking with old ladies that I am only called Samantha when I am in trouble. 

I even had one guy have a go at me for having the same name as him (Hambo).  What the hell dude? I added you two weeks ago because you thought it was cool we had the same name.  All Black Ops players are crazy people waiting to happen... And that is totally self confessed.

Life is cyclical.

I say this because things we did when we were younger we end up doing when we are older.  There are the obvious ones that people talk about and make jokes about.  Like that we started out eating mush and pooping ourselves and it pretty much ends the same way.  But that isn't what I am really talking about.  I mean things that circle through much more rapidly.  I am talking about things like clothes.

I have noticed that when I was younger I had much better taste in clothes than my parents.  There is a video that my Dad took of me when I was three where I was wearing a singlet and underpants and then, halfway through, my Dad thought "Gee, I should put some clothes on Sam. Having her half naked with hair like a hobo doesn't make me look like a very good Dad".  The next shot you see of me is with fluoro yellow trackpants with a black stripe up the side and a huge horrible floral print jumper.  He also forgot to brush my hair.  My Dad was an awesome Dad (and still is) but I was glad there came a time I could pick what I wanted to wear.

In case you can't tell from my crazy hat, I am the one on the left...

I then went through a stage where I wanted to do things my way.  I got my hair cut and picked out all my clothes.  Now, I understand my parents wanted to let me do my own thing and discover who I am.  HOWEVER, letting a nine year old get herself a boys haircut and wear blue Hawaiian shirts over a tank top with three quarter jeans is something they should have had an intervention for.  I still have the school photos of my hair in this cut, but I refuse to let anyone see them and my Mum wouldn't let me chuck them or burn them because she said she paid so much for them.  I choose to believe it is so she will have something to blackmail me with.

I then had my early teen years.  Even now I look back on what I wore and think 'If I did it then, why the hell can't I dress myself well now?'. I think this was mainly due to the fact that I started stealing my mothers clothes.  She had awesome expensive platform shoes. Mine.  Oh, that is a lovely halter neck top, is it from an expensive boutique? Mine.  Those jeans you love and treasure? The ones that fit you perfectly and you love more than anything else? Mine. And they are also destroyed because I wore them to my first drinking party and they got ripped as I tried to get out of a shopping trolley. So, what else do you have?

Looking pretty sophisticated before my next relapse...

Then I had my later teenage years.  These, I think, were the worst.  I went through a grunge stage where I wore lots of black, big scary looking boots and got a tattoo.  In this cliche the only thing I didn't do was run away and join a bikey gang.  I even had the poor taste to wear a bikini instead of a bra.  Someone should have stepped in.  The last day of my horrible look was when I was 19.  I was working in a government laboratory in Toowoomba and, every Friday, I would wear the most outrageous combination of clothes I could think of.  This particular Friday I wore knee high striped socks, steal cap boots, a black frilly skirt, black button up shirt and a pink and multicoloured beanie that had ear flaps with plaits.  I was particularly proud of the monstrosity I had created.  That was until they sent me downtown to pick up some things from an office supplies store.  That's when it ended.  I don't know if that is how they intended it to go, but they did me a huge favour.

The beanie in question.

And now, finally, I am getting a respectable wardrobe together.  Things are looking good for my fashion sense at the moment.  But the bitter sweet thing is, it's only a matter of time before I circle through again...

This is the awesome dress sense now... PLEASE DON'T TAKE IT FROM ME!!!!

Smoking. The cool way to die.

*WARNING*

This blog entry is on a serious and probably depressing topic.  Please only post constructive comments (if any) and site the source the of the information provided.  These should be reputable sites that have been published less than 5 years ago. This is the standard for university and research papers so I think it should apply here.  Remember, this is my turf so don't post any crap or try trolling because I will kick your ass.  Also, if you are easily offended by facts and figures that go against your opinion, maybe you should give this one a miss.  

Ps. don't hate me.

One thing my close friends know about me is that I am a big anti-smoking person.  Smoking to me is my crusade.  As a soon to be nurse I have witnessed many people not only harmed and some killed by their smoking habit but also those who have been exposed to tobacco smoke through no choice of their own.  Not only that but I have been witness to the harm tobacco smoke can cause, personally.  My Grandfather on my mother's side died from complications due to cancer caused by smoking.  My mum smokes and I can definitely say she is less well because of it.  And lastly, I have found that I have more trouble than most people when it comes to getting over chest infections and the like from what I believe was caused by many years of passive smoking. 

For some background information for those not up to date with current events in Australia, the Queensland Government is introducing plain packaging to cigarettes in an attempt to reduce the number of smokers and/or the amount people smoke.  There have been several studies conducted that all found that plain packaging reduced the number of adolescents who start smoking ( Germain, Wakefield & Durkin, 2010; Hammond, Dockrell, Arnott, Lee & McNeill, 2009; Wakefield, Germain & Durkin, 2008).  To me that is why it is important that this goes ahead.  We are talking about stopping young and impressionable adolescents from starting a habit that could ruin their lives by reducing the appeal, not banning them or taking away their freedom.

7 Things You Should Know About Cigarettes & Smoking Before You Tell Me I am Wrong/Stupid

1. I have more chance dying in a car accident than dying from smoking.

If this is part of your argument then you will be interested to know I have done some research. And you are full of crap.  In 1998 it was recorded by the ABS [Australian Bureau of Statistics] that 19 000 deaths that year were due to tobacco smoking but in 2009 only 1 464 deaths were due to road crashes (ABS, 2011; Australian Government, Department of Infrastructure & Transport, 2009).  With 2.3 million people estimated to have been smoking in that year, that gives smokers a 1 in 122 chance of dying from a smoking related disease every year.  Conversely, a motorist (be it a driver or passenger) has a 1 in 15 000 chance of being killed on the road. PLUS if you smoke and drive then you are just making your chances of getting to the pearly gates this year even higher.  

VERDICT: ARGUMENT INVALID.

2. Cigarettes are just as bad for you as drinking or fast food.

Yes, alcohol has many detrimental effects.  However it should be noted that there are safe levels for alcohol to be consumed where it is actually beneficial.  Tobacco, on the other hand is carcinogenic and the use of any tobacco product is not recommended as their are no known health benefits that outweigh the significant risks.  Most food in now required by law to display the nutritional content of the food they are selling to allow consumers the chance to make an informed decision.  I see the warning labels on cigarettes to be that equal.  

New warnings are proposed to be implemented for alcoholic drinks, so don't think smokes are the only ones being targeted.  As a friend of mine (who I will name Deep Throat to protect his identity) said 'Beer and fast food companies have their own regulations - which they meet rather than consistently wield their influence, power and might to avoid' - I happen to agree with this wholeheartedly. Those tobacco companies are shifty buggers.

VERDICT: Maybe, but smoking cigarettes around other people is worse than eating and drinking around them.

3. I'm not hurting anyone.

This one may be true. I guess it depends who you ask.  As someone who has been exposed to 16 years of passive smoking I beg to differ.  This information was obtained from the ABS website:

• The breathing in of tobacco smoke by non-smokers can lead to harmful health effects in the unborn child, and middle ear infections and bronchitis, pneumonia, asthma and other chest conditions in children. It is also linked to sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). In adults, passive smoking can increase the risk of heart disease, lung cancer and other chronic lung diseases (Queensland Health 2006).
• More than a third (37%) of children aged 0-14 years live in households with one or more regular smokers, while 10% of children 0-14 years live in households where there is at least one regular smoker who smokes indoors.

If you smoke alone or only with other smokers then I guess this statement is true for you.  However, the amount of people I see smoking with their kids/grand kids (my Mum included) is enough to make me think that most smokers couldn't truthfully say they aren't hurting anyone.  I remember sitting on the back stairs with my mum as a kid and never thinking anything of it, even though she would be smoking.  Smoking in the car with kids in now against the law AND THANK GOD FOR THAT.  So next time you light up think about who you may be hurting.  I have a study at home that also claims that the smoke residue on clothes can be enough to harm young children... I will tell you one thing. Passive drinking and passive fast food are yet to give anyone cancer.

VERDICT: Only true if you aren't being a douche.

4.  Mobile phones are linked with cancer, why are they not being targeted?

Several studies have noted that although there has been an explosive increase in mobile phone use in the last 30 years there have been very little changes to the rates of brain cancers over this period (Inskip, Hoover & Devesa, 2010).  This would suggest that mobile phones are not likely to cause brain cancers.  It is recommended that children limit their use of mobile phones due to their developing brains being sensitive to even low levels of toxins (Inskip et al., 2010). No big deal, we don't let kids smoke or drink (or at least you shouldn't be) so it shouldn't be that hard to pry a mobile phone out of their little chubby hands. Besides, smoking does more than give you and the passive smokers cancer, emphysema and COPD aren't that pleasant either...

VERDICT: Stop trying to pass the buck.

5. Australia is turning into Nazi Germany.

Really? When we start killing millions of Jews or castrating dyslexics get back to me.  You are seriously comparing the holocaust with implementing plain packaging smokes?  Just in case you didn't realise they aren't making cigarettes illegal, they aren't putting up the price and they sure as hell aren't saying you can't buy them.  If you want to smoke and having plain packaging is ruining your enjoyment or your will to buy them, then maybe you should question your motivation behind smoking... 

VERDICT: Ummm... Do I even need to say anything? This one is sensationalism at its best.

6. Fast food companies should be taxed if tobacco products are being taxed!!

This seems a little petty to me.  If the Government taxed everything that had a detrimental effect we would be taxed to the eyeballs.  The fact of the matter is I can eat McDonald's and decide to eat only a cheese burger every day.  If I exercised and ate right otherwise I doubt it would have any impact on my body. Cigarettes, however, are different.  I am still receiving nutrition from my cheese burger but smokes do not donate anything useful to the body.  In addition to that the chance of me getting cancer from smoking increase with every cigarette I smoke, not matter what my diet and exercise routine are like.  At fast food places I have the choice to make healthier decisions regarding my selections.  The only healthier option for cigarettes is LESS OR NONE.

VERDICT: A pack of cigarettes a week does not equal a week of cheeseburgers.

7.  The tobacco companies will sue and then who will pay for the plain packaging?

I was going to type this bit up myself but my friend, Deep Throat, puts it so much more elegantly...:

'It would be ridiculous for an industry to argue loss of revenue about a government sanction on their packaging, when their entire BUSINESS MODEL is all about killing off their own consumer group. Loss of revenue is the ends to their addictive and deadly means. If they want to keep their revenue intact (or indeed GROW their consumer base, rather than poisoning them to death), then they should try selling perfumesticks or chocolatesticks or viagrasticks.'

VERDICT: I would support a company who sold chocolate sticks.

To finish my piece I would like to say that no one asked me if I wanted to smoke for all those years I was exposed to passive smoking.  I think if more people were concerned about the kids and innocent bystanders in this debate of smoking then their point of view may change.  It's sad to think that my sister or myself may get cancer or a smoking related disease just from being in the same car as a smoker for all those years.  Vote for plain packaging and common goddamn sense.

References:

Australian Bureau of Statistics, various articles.

Australian Government: Department of Infrastructure and Transport. (2009).  Road deaths Australia, 2008 statistical summary.  Canberra: Australian Government.  Retrieved from www.infrastructure.gov.au/

 

Germain, D., Wakefield, M., & Durkin, S. (2010). Adolescents' perceptions of cigarette brand image: does plain packaging make a difference?. Journal of Adolescent Health, 46(4), 385-392. doi:10.1016/j.jadohealth.2009.08.009

Hammond, D., Dockrell, M., Arnott, D., Lee, A., & McNeill, A. (2009). Cigarette pack design and perceptions of risk among UK adults and youth. European Journal of Public Health, 19(6), 631-637. doi:10.1093/eurpub/ckp122

Inskip, P., Hoover, R., & Devesa, S. (2010). Brain cancer incidence trends in relation to cellular telephone use in the United States. Neuro-Oncology, 12(11), 1147-1151. Retrieved from EBSCOhost.

Wakefield, M., Germain, D., & Durkin, S. (2008). How does increasingly plainer cigarette packaging influence adult smokers' perceptions about brand image? An experimental study. Tobacco Control, 17(6), 416-421. Retrieved from EBSCOhost.

I really should be dead. Me living seems illogical.

I can't believe I am still alive - and in one piece! I think back over the years of stupid things I have done that should have killed me and I am surprised that I am not dead.  For instance, I loved climbing the trees out the front of my Grandma's place when I was a kid.  I was five when I first fell out and almost broke my arm.  I cried and it hurt a lot but I was back in the tree a couple of days later.  One of my fondest memories of my Grandad involved him hanging out the front window yelling at us kids to get out of the damn trees.  Even now it makes me smile, it's such an old man thing to say. 

When I was about 8 years old I was climbing one of the trees in my new dress.  Now I know what you are thinking.  That doesn't sound like a good idea... And, in hindsight it was a bloody stupid idea. But, hey, my 8 year old brain was living in the moment and no dress was going to stop me climbing my trees.  It was all fine until I decided to get out of the tree.  I decided to jump out.  It wasn't that high but, as it turns out, that wasn't the issue.  My dress got hooked on an old cut off branch and proceeded to hang me.  I was hanging in the tree, my face turning more and more red.  I managed to call out to my 4 year old sister, who was climbing the trees with me.  'Get mum and dad,' I managed to choke out.  She ran off, like a good sibling, to get our parents.  She ran up to them and, do you know what she said? 'Mum! Dad! Sam is stuck in the tree!' It's a wonder I was still conscious by the time they wandered leisurely down the path towards me.

Since then I have almost poisoned myself with old mince on two separate occasions, given myself two very serious chest infections, broken my thumb doing a cartwheel and a million other stupid things.  But I am not concerned with stupid things like almost knocking myself out after colliding with the fridge with my face in the dark.  I have survived so many freak accidents that I am sure I am like a cockroach.  Bring on the radiation.

I am more concerned with the crap I am putting in my body. I have this problem where, if there is food in front of me, I will keep eating until my stomach has taken up space in my chest that was reserved for my lungs.  Even that would be OK though, if the content of my food was good.  Unfortunately I tend to eat rubbish.  I have these periods where I will eat so badly that I will guilt myself into eating healthy.  The time that I stick with eating healthy is inversely proportional to the quality of the food consumed before the guilt diet. 

Going by that information I think the food I have consumed in the last week means I will be eating salads for the next year.  On Wednesday night (the Pictionary night) I had all manner of cheese, apple pie, ice cream, custard, olives, dip and crackers and lots of awful wine.  Then yesterday I ate my own body weight in cake, chips, nachos and soft drink at our manager's farewell.  It was so bad that I had to stay behind to recover because I couldn't breathe properly.  We also went out to shooting last night and ate a million lollies and chocolate and I also drank beer and ate lots of dim sims. THEN this morning my coworkers and I had the brilliant idea of getting a certain fast food company's* food for breakfast.

Somehow I managed to down a pack of three hotcakes, a sausage and cheese muffin, a hash brown and a canned soft drink.  Then I had a stupid idea.  I decided to calculate how much of my daily intake I had squandered on such a fattening breakfast. I kind of wish I hadn't.  Below is an illustration of my working:

This isn't a hotcakes lid, it's my tombstone...

Energy: 60.5%
Fat: 59%
Saturated fat: 74%
Salt: 79.8%
Sugar: 98%

The worst part is that these would be for an averaged sized adult.  I am not quite 5 foot 2 and only 55kg.  I don't know about you but that doesn't seem like average.  Also, I am pretty bad at exercising...
I can't believe I have had 98% of my daily sugar intake AT BREAKFAST.  I have a Caramello Koala in my hand.  It alone has 12% of my daily recommended sugar intake.  I was going to be good and not have it, but then I realised I had a coffee this morning. A coffee with sugar. So, screw it.  Bring on the chocolatey death...



EDIT: It appears that I have seriously overestimated my daily intake allowance.  One of my friends pointed out that these values would be correct for an average male.  I don't even want to do the math for the average female...

*I will refrain from mentioning their name so they don't sue/murder me. But we all know who I am talking about! ;)

Pictionary, recommended with Alcohol.

Last night I had a friend and her boyfriend over.  We do this on occasion and, usually we drink bad wine, sing badly to eighties music and record ourselves being strange on my video camera.  Last night was no different.  After some really bad wine (we made the mistake of having the nice bottle of wine first) we started to play pictionary.  It was boys versus girls, so there was a lot at stake.  We warmed up our drawing hands and our brains and got into things.  This is what followed...

This is the first page.  I would like to firstly apologise to all the American and Canadian people out there who may be upset that my attempt to draw your countries ended up looking like an icecream cone.  Also, apparently the Canadian flag I drew looks like a marijuana flag.

 

This page was my favourite.  John's picture is in the top left hand corner and it is miniscule. I have no idea how anyone can even see the picture, let alone guess what it was of.  This is where the lamp came into things.  Now, I drew a vacuum cleaner.  It looks perfect to me, but according to everyone else it looked like some kind of future car.  So I decided to draw a lamp.  It was to make the point that it was indoors and for perspective.  No one knew what the hell I was talking about. 'A lamp? For perspective?' Everyone proceded to roll around laughing at me.  So, in the following pages where there looks like a lamp (or once like a large penis) that is actually a lamp. You know, for perspective.

As the night went on the pictures looked more and more like penis' and other rude body parts.  So the first guess for any picture was 'PENIS! NO! VAGINA! CRAP, NO! BALLS!'  If you ask me the egg beater one looks overly suspicious...  And the new catch phrase was 'Well, I would have got it if you had drawn a lamp for perspective...'

 

By the end of the night we were pretty good at drawing and guessing.  Even though John didn't get the Harry Potter drawing.  What a noob.  And Rachel and I got the award for best guess with fewest lines.  It was a hairdryer. Yes, we do rock.

Faulty Computer Brain

Sometimes my brain is like a computer.  Not a flash high speed gizmo one, more like the one my family owned in the late nineties.  I say this for many reasons.  For instance, it took about twenty minutes to boot up and that is how long I spend staring at the mirror in the morning before I can even think of getting ready.  To install anything new you had to trowel through My Documents and delete half a dozen things to make room: I can only hold a certain amount of information before my brain deletes 'unimportant' information such as how to navigate home or boil an egg.

One day I had a major computer brain malfunction.  I mean, there is never a day where it doesn't have to be 'rebooted'.  But this was a major glitch.

It all started with my boyfriends Landscape Architecture assignment.  It was due the next day and, to make sure he didn't give up and go to bed, I stayed up with him all night and helped him.  I was cutting out mini trees and holding freshly glued cardboard in place until 2.30 am.  By the time I got to bed and went to sleep it was about 3.30 am.  I was stuffed.  I slept like a log.

Until 6.30 am, when I had to get up for uni.  At this stage work and uni were crazy.  I was working 7 day weeks, starting work at 5am every Saturday and Sunday morning.  I felt like I never slept, but 3 hours was a new record.  I dragged myself out of bed, stared at the mirror for twice the normal amount of time.  I don't even remember how I got dressed, it is all a blur.  The same goes for how I managed to drive myself to uni.

This day was a pretty boring one.  For uni one day a week we had to go to the teaching hospital to learn some practical skills.  This day was particularly boring, I almost went to sleep a dozen times but somehow I managed to make it through.  We were in the last part of the days class, talking about a crappy part of assessment.  it was basically the same ridiculous assignment we had just done but even harder.  I hated it.  It was a stupid assignment and everyone knew it, even our clinical facilitator.  I decided to express my dislike for the assessment.

So I said, 'It sucks peanuts'.

Brain: That doesn't even make sense. Who would suck peanuts? I think you actually meant something else.

So what I actually said was: THAT SUCKS PENIS.

In front of the whole class and the clinical lecturer.

Goddamn crappy auto correct...

I think my brain requires a major upgrade.

Dress ups!!

So I think I have found a new hobby.  It's pretty obvious and I guess you could say it has been a long time coming. I have decided my new hobby will be creating Cosplay outfits! WEEEEEEE!!! I have always loved dressing up and, since I have been able to sew since the age of five (not well at 5, but hey, it totally counts) costuming is such an obvious choice for a hobby. Plus I am a GIANT nerd.

For your viewing pleasure I have included some of my costumes so far...

 For a friends 19th Birthday party.  Excuse the horrible hair, this was straight after a game of paintball in the rain...

For my friend's 30th Birthday... It was pirate themed!!

For my friend's little sisters birthday party.  Her birthday is a couple of weeks before Halloween.

 For the 2009 Brisbane Zombie walk.  Taken before we bloodied ourselves up.

For the 2010 Brisbane Zombie walk.

Me as the character for our zombie movie - End Game.

For a friend's dress up birthday party, just this weekend!!

From humble beginings to awesome outfits.  I feel pretty happy with my last one.  It took me two days to make the hand attachments and to source all of the stuff to make the whole outfit.  Good effort, if you ask me!  Hambo points to those who know who I am dressing up as in each photo! Except the pirate one. I was just your generic pirate wench :)

Never trust a Poodle...

I had never really thought of Poodles as much of a dog growing up.  I was raised with German shepherds as an ideal example of a real dog.  They ate plants out of the garden, roots and all, that probably should have killed them.  They terrified the absolute crap out of the paper boys in our area and no cat ever set foot in our yard... at least none that we saw.  We were taught to think that these were real dogs and any breed that couldn't match their awesomeness in these areas was obviously a lessor breed.  So when I moved out from living with my Mum and Step-Dad to live with my Dad and Step-Mum I had a large adjustment to make.  Not only did they own a cat, but they also owned a poodle.

When I was a kid our German Shepherds were cheeky buggers.  Conan, the younger; bigger; and; sookier one, would always get into trouble from mum.  She always had to be the bad guy.  She didn't like it, but someone had to keep a giant German shepherd pup in line.  Conan was smart. One day mum came home from work to find shredded piles of clothes strewn all over the yard. Her clothes. Only hers.  He was a smart bastard.  To me, I thought this was a sign of intelligence from the breed, rather than the species in general.  How wrong I was.

Cody, the poodle, turned out to be pretty cute and kind of crazy.  I grew to love him and we became friends, I guess you could say.  The only problem was he was kind of obsessive and very neurotic.  In the back of my mind I guess I rationalized it by thinking poodles weren't that clever, they were less intelligent than awesome breeds like German shepherds. It was more a case of being ignorant on my part than of him failing to show signs of intelligence.

This all came to a head one fateful day.  He was obsessed with a lizard hiding underneath one of the logs in the backyard.  And by obsessed I mean there for probably more than a couple of hours, whingeing, scratching and doing little cute puppy circles.  Not only was I concerned for the lizard's safety, but I was getting fed up with hearing the constant scratching and whining noises from the backyard.  I'd had enough.

I marched down to the backyard and yelled out his name. Nothing. 'CODY!!!!!' I screamed at him, 'FOR GOD'S SAKE, LEAVE THE FREAKING LIZARD ALOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!!!'. Still nothing.  It was like his whole being existed just to paw and scratch and whine at that damn lizard.  Something inside me snapped.  Like, went completely loco.  I did a kind of angry dance and then I smacked him.  Right on the bum.  It wasn't hard, more like a firm tap, but he had been so absorbed in that damn lizard that he forgot the world existed.  To put it short, he almost pooped himself.

He twisted around and looked at me like I had given him a right flogging.  At this stage I was still yelling, though who knows what I was even saying.  He scuttled off and I just stood there, hulking out for a couple of minutes.  He didn't bug the lizard again, he must have been traumatised, so I got on with my day.

The next day at school I was thinking about how I had treated him.  I began to feel guilty.  I thought to myself, 'He is just a poor stupid poodle, he doesn't understand.  What the hell is wrong with me?' I felt terrible.  I got home that afternoon and found Cody curled up on the couch.  When he heard me he poked his little head up.  I could see fear in his eyes.  I was a monster.  I sat down next to him and began my apology.  I explained to him that I hadn't meant to get so mad and that I shouldn't have smacked him, no matter how soft it was.  I promised him that it would never happen again and that I really wanted to be friends again.  And yes, I really did say all this out loud.

At the end of it Cody seemed a little more relaxed but I knew there was a long way to go.  As I got up from the couch and began to walk to my room I turned to him and smiled, I actually told him I loved him.  He looked nervously at me, as if he expected me to hulk out.  Then I walked through my bedroom door.

Piss EVERYWHERE.  On my bed.  On my rug. On my school books.  On my sketch books.  That little bastard. I walked out of my bedroom and looked at straight into his cold dead eyes.  It was war...

Cody:1, Hambo: Nil.


NEVER underestimate a poodle.

Trolley Watching

I have heard of some people who go to shopping centres just to watch the people, see the weirdos and creepers.  I don't really understand the attraction to be honest.  Why people watch when you can trolley watch.  The amount of information you can learn about people from what they put in their trolley is AMAZING. 

For instance: Two young women, maybe late teens - early twenties, with a trolley full of junk.  Instant pizzas, gourmet cheese, pre-made salads and fancy face care accessories. ANALYSIS =  probably just moved out of home or their parents are away overseas.  They only buy the best brands and pre-made food because they either have no idea how to live out of home or their shop is being funded by their parents.

Next example: An old man, pushing a smaller trolley.  Contents are a single apple, two potatoes, half a dozen tins of fish and a loaf of bread.  ANALYSIS = Single retired pensioner.  Probably learning to buy for one after losing his partner.  Buys minimally because the old age pension SUCKS.

See what I mean? Even if it isn't true, trolley watching is an imaginations dream.  I was shopping today and I couldn't help but peek into people's trolleys, wondering what their story is.  I try to be impartial, trying not to judge people by the contents of their trolley.  I admit, I have thought disapprovingly of parents with kids in tow and a trolley full of sugar.  I guess they will have to put up with the kids on a sugar high, though. You reap what you sow.

I learnt my trolley watching lesson the hard way once.  I had a day off, completely to myself.  This was a rare occasion since I was doing full time study and working almost every spare minute I had.  I had planned an awesome day.  I was going to bake and cook a stew for dinner.  While they were cooking I planned to watch a zombie movie and dye my hair.  A day of pure indulgence.  The only problem was I had to nick down to the shops to pick up a few things: some ingredients for my stew, some cream to stop the hair dye from making my face purple and some 'ladies things' since my well timed time of the month coincided with my day off.

I was cruising around the grocery store and had everything within 10 minutes flat and, since I had less than 12 items I got to use the express lane.  It was then that I noticed the contents of my basket.  I stared down in horror at two very large carrots, a tub of Vaseline and a box each of tampons and pads.  What. The. Hell.  I tried to cover the items on the conveyor belt with a packet of pasta. It kept sliding off to reveal my perverted shopping items. I couldn't even look at the girl serving me. I mumbled something about having a busy day or something. I can't even remember.  I shuffled my way through the check-out, face bright red, never looking back.

I think I will give those parents with the sugar loaded trolleys some slack.

Another one of THOSE days

Today was a day I can't wait to forget.  It started off pretty well, come to think of it that was probably the start... get my hopes up before smashing the crap out of my awesome day.  I should have seen the warning signs I guess, but they were masked by my optimism and general appearance of a good day ahead of me.  I just had about 10 hours sleep and woke up after hitting the snooze button a couple of times at a very respectable time of 07.30 am.  Sign number one: waking up with a headache after tossing and turning all night.  I put it down to too much sleep and got on with my morning.  I got dressed in adult clothes (and all by myself too!) and got ready to go out.

I was going to the movies with my mum this morning, I hadn't seen her in a few months despite living in the same city, so it was nice to catch up.  We decided to meet at a local shopping centre and grab a coffee then watch a movie at the cinema.  Sign number two: getting half way to the shopping centre and realising I forgot my phone. Normally I wouldn't care and just keep going on my merry way, but this day... this day we didn't pick somewhere to meet, we decided to text each other when we got there.  All the way home to get the damn phone.

On the way back to the shopping centre I get a text message. Sign number three: a message from my boss asking me to start work half an hour earlier.  I call her and tell her that I may or may not be able to but I would get there when I can.  Boss is grateful and I keep driving to the shopping centre.  I meet my my mum. We go and eat awesome sushi for lunch.  We make it to the movie a little late, but it was great fun and I laughed so much.  The movie was Arthur, and I have to admit I didn't expect to like it so much.  This is about where I am having a great day and probably think to myself that nothing could destroy it for me.  BIG MISTAKE.

I rush home so I can get ready in time to be at work early.  I don't know why I cared so much, maybe I was grateful for the extra shifts my boss had given me and wanted to show her I was thankful for them.  STUPID GIRL.  Anyway, I am getting ready and I take the time and effort to iron my uniform.  In the last three years I think I have ironed my uniform less times than there are fingers on my right hand.  I was obviously in a good mood and trying to impress.

So I get all my stuff together and start walking to work. It is a short walk, only about 10 minutes or so, nothing too tiring.  As I start out I notice an overabundance of rain clouds.  Again I dare to think.  I think 'Gee, it looks like it is going to rain. I hope it waits until I get to work'. I swear the second I finished that sentence it started pissing down rain.  I use that phrase because as a child I was told that when it rains that is God going to the toilet (don't ask me why people say these ridiculous things to children).  Never before has that imagery been so apt.  I could imagine him pissing down on my wonderful day, laughing and aiming right down on my head.

It gets better. Because I am such a child and refuse to grow up, the only umbrella I own is pink with a piggy face and ears on it.  It is about big enough for a 5 year old to be protected from a light sun shower.  All it did for me was stop my head from getting wet.  Even the end of my pony tail was drenched. The worst part - well one of the worst parts - was I had gone too far from shelter to turn back, I had to keep going. I was taking baby running steps because if I walked too fast more of me got wet.  My pants were soaked from the knee down.  My shoes were filling with water.  The stupidest part was when I got to shelter, about 20 metres from my work, I decided to persevere. What an idiot.

By the time I got to work I was saturated.  My pig umbrella had started dripping and raining from the inside.  I think it was probably a display only umbrella.  My shoes were literally filled with water.  I was wet, cold and miserable.  The ironic thing was that I arrived just in time to start half an hour early for my shift.  It took half an hour for me to call my boyfriend and get him to bring me spare clothes and shoes so I could actually work.  If I had just bummed about at home for another half an hour I could have avoided this whole thing.  That was the first and only time it rained all day.Next time, I am going to be lazy and play games instead of going to work early.  A valuable lesson learned.