Another one of THOSE days

Today was a day I can't wait to forget.  It started off pretty well, come to think of it that was probably the start... get my hopes up before smashing the crap out of my awesome day.  I should have seen the warning signs I guess, but they were masked by my optimism and general appearance of a good day ahead of me.  I just had about 10 hours sleep and woke up after hitting the snooze button a couple of times at a very respectable time of 07.30 am.  Sign number one: waking up with a headache after tossing and turning all night.  I put it down to too much sleep and got on with my morning.  I got dressed in adult clothes (and all by myself too!) and got ready to go out.

I was going to the movies with my mum this morning, I hadn't seen her in a few months despite living in the same city, so it was nice to catch up.  We decided to meet at a local shopping centre and grab a coffee then watch a movie at the cinema.  Sign number two: getting half way to the shopping centre and realising I forgot my phone. Normally I wouldn't care and just keep going on my merry way, but this day... this day we didn't pick somewhere to meet, we decided to text each other when we got there.  All the way home to get the damn phone.

On the way back to the shopping centre I get a text message. Sign number three: a message from my boss asking me to start work half an hour earlier.  I call her and tell her that I may or may not be able to but I would get there when I can.  Boss is grateful and I keep driving to the shopping centre.  I meet my my mum. We go and eat awesome sushi for lunch.  We make it to the movie a little late, but it was great fun and I laughed so much.  The movie was Arthur, and I have to admit I didn't expect to like it so much.  This is about where I am having a great day and probably think to myself that nothing could destroy it for me.  BIG MISTAKE.

I rush home so I can get ready in time to be at work early.  I don't know why I cared so much, maybe I was grateful for the extra shifts my boss had given me and wanted to show her I was thankful for them.  STUPID GIRL.  Anyway, I am getting ready and I take the time and effort to iron my uniform.  In the last three years I think I have ironed my uniform less times than there are fingers on my right hand.  I was obviously in a good mood and trying to impress.

So I get all my stuff together and start walking to work. It is a short walk, only about 10 minutes or so, nothing too tiring.  As I start out I notice an overabundance of rain clouds.  Again I dare to think.  I think 'Gee, it looks like it is going to rain. I hope it waits until I get to work'. I swear the second I finished that sentence it started pissing down rain.  I use that phrase because as a child I was told that when it rains that is God going to the toilet (don't ask me why people say these ridiculous things to children).  Never before has that imagery been so apt.  I could imagine him pissing down on my wonderful day, laughing and aiming right down on my head.

It gets better. Because I am such a child and refuse to grow up, the only umbrella I own is pink with a piggy face and ears on it.  It is about big enough for a 5 year old to be protected from a light sun shower.  All it did for me was stop my head from getting wet.  Even the end of my pony tail was drenched. The worst part - well one of the worst parts - was I had gone too far from shelter to turn back, I had to keep going. I was taking baby running steps because if I walked too fast more of me got wet.  My pants were soaked from the knee down.  My shoes were filling with water.  The stupidest part was when I got to shelter, about 20 metres from my work, I decided to persevere. What an idiot.

By the time I got to work I was saturated.  My pig umbrella had started dripping and raining from the inside.  I think it was probably a display only umbrella.  My shoes were literally filled with water.  I was wet, cold and miserable.  The ironic thing was that I arrived just in time to start half an hour early for my shift.  It took half an hour for me to call my boyfriend and get him to bring me spare clothes and shoes so I could actually work.  If I had just bummed about at home for another half an hour I could have avoided this whole thing.  That was the first and only time it rained all day.Next time, I am going to be lazy and play games instead of going to work early.  A valuable lesson learned.

Day of the Rapture

I woke up this morning feeling slightly off.  I was coughing pathetically and aching all over.  It was 4 am and I was wondering what I had done to deserve being woken up at this time on a Sunday morning.  Then I realised I was going to work on a Sunday, so the Rapture was probably getting in early. Since the Rapture was set for 6pm, I figured it was probably according to American time and therefore I would be safe to sin for a few more hours yet.

After staring into my coffee for 20 minutes I finally got ready for work.  It was then that I realised it was raining.  Sign of the coming Rapture #2.  It was cold and wet and I bet God knows that I already felt like crap and was making me miserable on purpose.  And being sick it was the perfect miserable combination.  Not to mention there was a snail sleeping perfectly in the middle of my front door, right at eye height too. I eyed it suspiciously as I left.  I have lived at this place for 3 years and never once seen a snail... A sign of the coming Rapture?

On my way to work my MP3 player died and in the silence I pondered the situation I was in.  In the event of the coming Rapture, on a scale of 1 to 10, how screwed am I? Just the day before I had used very reliable flow charts to check whether I should prepare the choirs of Angels or the fire retardant blankets.  I decided that they probably weren't all that accurate.

Work was ok, but not great.  We had to go back to a ward that we DROVE DOWN THE STREET TO (yes, it is that far away) and that was a pain, but I think that sign of the coming Rapture was neutralised by the fact that we bought ham and cheese pies for breakfast.

Now, I am pretty sure that it is past Rapture o'clock and nothing catastrophic has really happened yet.  In fact, I have surfed the Internet at work all morning, had pie for breakfast and slept a little, too.  If this is the Rapture then, seriously God, you are going to have to try harder.  Pies are no punishment for the wicked.

Spam

On the forum where I spend a lot of my time, I am a moderator.  This sounds exciting. I look important. People look up to me.

Whatever. All I live for at the moment is SPAM.  I have become a spam crusader.  Defending the pages of the forum from the infiltration of nonsensical posts regarding Canadian Online Pharmacies.

'Want to get high on Tramadol?' ACCESS DENIED.

'Want free sexy times?' NICE TRY SPAM BOT.

I imagine myself wielding a Samurai sword, hacking the spammy posts into nothing.  I am the shining knight defending the innocent readers from unspeakable horrors from the Canadian Drug Smugglers.

The saddest part is when I check my blog, I am more eager to check for spam than anything else. I think I have issues.

Please help me by posting your fake spam below.