All you ever wanted to know about Hambo-42

Although I play with many people online I have one core group of people that I am linked to as part of my clan. They are the people of team FC (don't ask what it stands for. Seriously. I mean, whatever you are thinking of it isn't far from that).  And I love my team.  Here is what one of my awesome team members wrote for my bio.  I think he did a great job!!

Name: Hambo-42
Real Name: Samantha Holman
Resides: Auchenflower, QLD
Rank: Prestige 4
Claim To Fame: Highest Team FC S/Min, Partner of Gibbo-47, Being Female
Favourite Gun: Enfield (Taken from Combat Record)
Favourite Kill Streak: Spy Plane
Favourite Perk: Ghost Pro
Greastest Strength: Accuracy, Picking people off with Ghost, Mercenary TDM
Greastest Weakness: Zombies, Pressure Situations, TDM when in a Clan

TDM Stats:
K/D - 1.50
S/Min - 199.48

Hambo-42 is the only female in FC and holds the highest TDM kill/death ratio in the clan. Hambo's ruthless tactics of picking people off with Ghost Pro has ensured she kills at least 3 people for every 2 deaths. Noted for falling behind when playing as part of a clan, Hambo-42 flys the flag for team FC solo, ruthlessly hunting down and destroying the opposition without any help from her clan buddies. Being partnered to another team FC member Gibbo-47 means that both Hambo-42 and gibbo-47 have to "happily" share the one playstation which is why Hambo-42 has only made the 4th prestiged rank. As much as she loves them, her biggest weakness is probably zombie gameplay as the pressure gets a bit to intense in the later rounds. Having said that, a few hours training with zombie captain Operative, Hambo could quite well crush all of us in the zombies setting as she is the most accurate member in team FC. Here is a few stats to blow you mind; Overall Accuracy 15.14%, Enfield Accuracy 15.24% and 7.4% of kills come from headshots. Now come on fellas, with stats like those and a KD of 1.50, aren't you grateful she is on our side???? I know I am!

Doogster86 out....

All Night CoD Extravaganza!!

One of the unfortunate things about being a nurse is the need to do night duty.  Fortunately, one of the perks of having to forcibly readjust your sleeping pattern is that it allows you to do otherwise antisocial and useless activities. Enter CoD.  Generally in my house it is a competition between myself and boyfriend for CoD time which is juggled in between crucial tv programs such as Rush and Neighbours (That's right, judgers!!!).  But not tonight.  Tonight I am preparing my body for night duty.

Since I would have to be awake tomorrow night during the hours when I would normally be drooling on my pillow the logical thing is to stay up. Until the sun comes up.  But because I am getting old and grumpy this is proving harder than I imagined.  I started playing at about... 10pm?

0117 Update: So far I have managed to convince two random strangers and a friend (Verminkilla- he wanted a mention) not to go to bed and to stay up all night playing CoD with me. One has to be up in 3hrs. There has been a massive amount of swearing.  Most of the things said do not actually make sense. I have no idea what is going on... My ratio has been in the positives pretty much all night. AKA I am awesome.  I may be getting slightly sleeping but so far so good.

0203 Update: I am almost blind, I have a stage one pressure ulcer in my left ear and yet some how I am awesome. Verminkilla- has said at least 30 times that he is going to bed. He is obviously still playing.  I AM INVINCIBLE. Lowest ratio of the last 5 games is 1.11. 

0305 Update: We are all delirious. We lost one but Vermin and FairyGobMother are STILL playing. We are singing and probably dancing. We got kicked from the original lobby and now I am starting to go downhill. Also, Vermin was playing the Cantina song from Star Wars. I loved it.

0415 Update: Sweet Jesus. I think I am going to die.  Vermins alarm to get up for work just went off. We convinced him to play another game but he won't stay home from work.  I may have eaten one too many left over cupcakes and now my mouth feels like sand. I am resisting the urge to go to bed.

0436 Update: I am done. My eyes feel like I have run out of tears, my brain hurts and I feel a little disorientated... I said goodbye to my last friend on and now it is all turned off. What a huge fucking night.  Oh dear god. What the hell is that noise??? Is it birds...

0454 Update: So now I have showered, I am brushing my teeth and going to bed. I am going to try and get to sleep before it gets too light and John gets up. GOOD EFFING NIGHT ^.^

A Top Ten Worth Reading.

It has come to my attention that the Internet is full of people giving advice when they are evidently not qualified to do so.  My boyfriend and I are looking into fun things to do in Brisbane and interesting ways to meet new people.  Most people who write advice for this topic obviously have never had to do any of these things as evidenced by this website.  Really? 'Get a Dog and Walk Everywhere: go to parks and the beach with your dog. Dogs are great people meeters!' or my personal favourite 'Go to Flea Markets and Antique Shows: While you're browsing the finds, you can people watch.'  I'm pretty sure I wasn't looking for 'How to stalk and rape people'...

Another website tells me about the Top Ten Things To Do In October.  I never realised October was such a boring month.  I mean sure, they all have some relevance to October in some way but COME ON.  Eat a vegetarian meal? They could at least make it interesting.  Maybe something like 'Eat your body weight in vegetarian lasagna and falafels and then bask naked in the sun outside your local meat works'.

This has led me to making my own Top Ten Things To Do In October.  I feel I am more than qualified to give this advice because, not only am I not a massive douche bag, I also actually do things. 

1. Commit a serious crime, like armed robbery or grand theft auto.  It is difficult, hell, almost impossible not to meet people when you are in prison.  And if you are pretty you will make twice the friends!

2. Become a stalker! You get to meet who ever you want, whenever you want! If Mohammad won't
 come to the mountain...

3.  Have puppies in your van/basement.

Ok. Now the fun ones are over it is time for the real advice. I really hope people read this far before first taking action....

1.  Go to a Zombie Walk.  If where you live doesn't have one, create one! Get a group of friends together and get all gored up.  Just make sure that if you are doing it in a large group that you have police permission.  It's no fun being a Zombie in handcuffs.  Or is it... 

2. Celebrate Halloween.  Even if you don't have your own party or invites to a friends, there are plenty of ways to celebrate All Hallows Eve just the same.  Movie World has a cool night where people come along all dressed up to scare and entertain those not game enough to suit up. There is even a street party for people to go to if they live in Brisbane.  Some advice though, if you are going alone try not to dress up as an evil clown or an equally pedophile-looking character...

3.  What is October known for apart from Halloween? If you don't know this one you really do need to get out more.  OKTOBERFEST!  So get your lederhosen on and a couple of friends, or even go on your own (drunks are always friendly!) and eat drink and be merry!  It's festivals like this that have people talking to complete strangers just because they like your look of your dirndl.

4.  Go to the Lone Pine Koala Sanctuary.  No punch line in this one. Koalas are just too damn cute. Plus they have an adorable fat platypus, some awesome Tassie devils and wildlife EVERYWHERE.

5.  Get your ass down to EB Expo.  It is a weekend of fantasy for gamers.  Try out new games, get involved in the cosplay and god knows what else in this orgasmic event for nerd.  I know I have my ticket!

6.  Go paintballing.  This is the perfect time of year to go paintballing, before it gets too hot and after it is so cold that your fingers become a casualty to frost bite.  This is the one I have been to a few times and it is pretty kick ass.

7.  See Bear Grylls live on stage!  Although this show would probably have the same level of 'danger' as his real shows, I imagine he would be quite entertaining.  Having said that, if he didn't eat at least 3 things on stage that I could find under a rock in my back yard, I would not be impressed.

8.  If you are more into comedy and less into eating spiders and snakes, maybe you might like to see Carl Barron Live? As far as Australian stand-up is concerned he is definitely one to see.  If only to check if his head really does resemble a bobble head toy.  For me, that just adds to his charm...

9.  Do something crazy.  One of my friends got dressed up like the Ghostbusters crew with a few of his friends, ran around Southbank chasing a ghost and filmed it.  Sounds ridiculous but they had the most fun and people at Southbank thought they were pretty cool. Just make sure if you are doing something out there like this that you do not use life like guns or bring replica swords along.  Apparently the police don't really like that.

10.  Eat your own body weight in Pancakes.  The Pancake Manor is the perfect place to do this. I put this as number ten partly because I had nothing left and partly because it gives me free reign to eat a bazillion pancakes.

I hope you found this more helpful than the average crappy Things To Do page.  Now excuse me while I go off to eat pancakes, shoot people and scare small children.

Blurring The Line - Religion Vs. Science

Disclaimer: The following post contains strong scientific and religious references.  If you are easily offended by the facts of science I would recommend not reading on.  I must also mention that I have been fairly blunt regarding Christianity in relation to actual facts and the lack thereof in biblical mythology.  You have been warned.

I was raised a Catholic girl.  I went to church, prayed before Sunday lunch and was scared into honesty by my mother telling me that God knew when I was lying.  I went to a Catholic school - 5 of them in fact.  Although I wouldn't call myself an active member of the Catholic community I wouldn't go so far as to say I am an Atheist.

Despite my strong religious upbringing I have always been a student of science.  From my first science experiment in grade 2, where we grew peas in the dark or in a fridge, I have been in love with science.  I love the fact that some things are governed by set rules that are set in stone, so you always know where you stand.  Like gravity.  It has never let me down.  If I jumped from a building I can be certain I would not float into space.  Gravity is a handy science explained phenomenon.

I support the belief that not all things in religion are made to be taken literally and that science and religion are not necessarily mutually exclusive. However, I do have a real problem when children are taught a completely biased version where religion is infallible and that science is made up by atheist scientist types.  This is true especially considering the power religion has shown to have when attempting to control and manipulate the masses (see - the crusades, witch burning and the recent rapture, the last of which I felt was less torturey and much more pleasant than predicted).

A confidential informant of mine has provided me with information that a high school in Brisbane is teaching Creationism in science.  'Big deal', I hear you say.  At first I felt the same way.  Let me show you why I have since changed my mind...

Looks innocent enough, right?

It starts out like any old school book.  At first you don't really notice the bias towards Creationism and against Evolution.  But once you start to see it, you can't stop finding it...

This little gem is a good sign of things to come...

And even on the same page - did you notice this?

Almost slipped by me...

Strange... As my anonymous source put it 'I thought evil was a concept created by man, rather than an actual fact'.  If anyone can submit a paper or any kind of evidence other than voodoo tarot card mumbo jumbo PROVING the consciousness of God I will eat my words. Or my shoes. Hell, I would even eat an elephant taco, make up any kind of crazy thing and I will eat it because I will be in too much shock to argue.

Keep in mind this is only the first page.  I don't have time to show everything, which is truly a tragedy.  This stuff is blogging GOLD.

This book is very quick to dismiss any kind of evidence supporting Evolution.  It goes on to say that the Peppered Moth Theory is complete and utter bullocks because they had to pin some of the moths to trees to take photos of the quick little buggers.  I guess you could argue that it isn't an ideal experiment.

Only problem is no where in the book does it allow for criticism of any aspect of Creationism where there are several pages purely dedicated to the limitations of science and they theory of Evolution.  Apparently because the theory of Creationism is based on the word of God (well, mostly on people who claimed to hear the word of God) it is infallible and literal.  In a book that says love thy neighbour etc ad finitum but in the bible (where all their reliable information is sourced) they are sure are quick to pull this one out: "If there is a man who lies with a male as those who lie with a woman, both of them have committed a detestable act; they shall surely be put to death." 1 Cor 6:9 and yet they say not to kill and to love one another.  No wonder people get confused, damnit. Make your frigging mind up!

This page is very telling...

The highlighted section in the above picture is a nice way of showing them gently guiding the students towards what they 'observe' rather than what science can prove.  On this page you will notice that it has a long paragraph explaining why evolutionists believe what they want to believe and do not consider the presence of a God, but I think you will find a blinding absence of the examples of how Creationists do not even consider Evolution because the book told them so.

I am not normally a big fan of using the word 'prove' when talking about science as it is more technically correct as the general consensus is that science doesn't prove, it supports.  But I can say that there is a lot of evidence that VERY HEAVILY supports the Earth being older than a few thousand years old.  This next picture shows the evidence that dinosaurs were on earth with people. Oh, yes. It gets better.

I have seen Behemoths in Fallout and they are totally not dinosaurs...

Apparently Adam and Eve would have shared the Earth with dinosaurs.  Now I KNOW if they shared the Earth with velociraptors they would have gotten eaten.  They may have been good, but they are not Jeff Goldblum.  We aren't sure why dinosaurs died out but this book at least rules out drowning in the great flood.  I bet Noah had fun trying to stop the compsognathus couple from lunching on the squirrels...

This explains a lot.  Actually...

Now it is one thing to say these things about what they believe in.  That is fine, religion is all about putting your beliefs to the test.  But the next image is just plain crazy.

Who did the research for this bloody book?

No where does it say in the theory of Evolution that God does not exist.  It simply says that God did not create the earth as is today around 6000 years ago.  It never says that he does not exist.  It also never mentions that there is no life after death.  Gee, way to make Evolutionists look like boring and pessimistic bastards.  Actually, that may be the very point.

I think that it is sad that it seems like some Christians feel that Evolutionists are out to make people disbelieving sinners and that there is no way the two can co-exist.  I know this is probably a small fraction of Christians who share this biased and unforgiving view of how the world came to be, most people I talk to who identify as Christian welcome the thoughts of evolutionists and see it as a more likely start to the world.  No one ever said that the world wasn't created by God.  I just think that Evolution is how life came to be as it is now and that there is no way Noah could have handled himself with a velociraptor on board, regardless of the forces at work...

Some Words With Friends*

Everyone is so into their phones at the moment. If it isn't that idiotic Angry Birds (where birds are launched into the air as small feathered bombs and missiles... yes, I know you probably know what is about because you play it, but I just wanted you to see how stupid it actually sounds to other people) then it is this new game called Words With Friends.  Apparently it is the new thing.  I even jumped on and have started a couple of games.  It's like scrabble over the interwebs.  Sounds awesome, no?

I beg to differ.  Sure, it is an easy, intellectual way to interact with your friends and family BUT it showed it's true colours this morning. What the hell? I can't play a game this rubbish.

*Some words not included, sold separately (apparently)

4 Reasons Why Pants Are Overrated

Pants. Biggest overrated piece of clothing I have ever had the stupidity to waste my hard earned cash on. Ok, maybe in winter they are necessary. At least in public.  But do people seriously wear them at all when no one else is around?  Our house seems to have a pants optional policy, but then it is just my boyfriend and I. 

When we first moved out it was pants are banned. In fact most clothes were banned but that is just because when you first move out of home - and I mean really move out, with no housemates - you revert back to being a 3 year old.  We ate cereal at night, when the cutlery ran out we ate with chopsticks and pants were banned.

Pants in themselves are a pain.  I talk to a lot of people who agree that pants are overrated.  Just so you know, I am typing this pantsless.  I must clarify that by pants I mean the trouser/jean things, not nickers (because that would be plain weird). 

1. Pants are the first sign you are getting fat.
I have been trying to ignore the growing size of my rear for a few months now.  It's nothing massive but I am only small and every increase seems to be so much more obvious than on average sized people, at least to me.  For the past few weeks I have been doing my pants-dance to get my favourite jeans on.  I blamed it on the dryer shrinking my clothes. That was until my pants-dance couldn't even get my jeans on past my thighs.  Pants are overrated anyhow.

2. They are just more clothes to iron.
I hate ironing.  It is no secret.  I once accidentally ironed myself on the stomach (please don't ask) and it has been all downhill from there.  I did a pile of ironing today. It is still huge.  Either I forget about ironing my cute summer dresses or I ditch the pants.  Hardly a decision.

3. I always have to get them altered.
Do you have any idea how much it costs to get pants altered? $25 a pair. When I went to America I found these awesome jeans and they came in that short size, you know, for shorties like myself and you know something? They are still 2 inches too bloody long.  Apparently I am shorter than the average short person. Poo on you pants.

4. You only have to take them off again.
Self explanatory really.

MIA

I would like to start by apologising for my prolonged absence. I was going to make up a bunch of excuses about how I have been busy and how I have been meaning to write but I know you guys don't really care why.  To make up for it here are some things you missed while I was gone. Who knows, I might even write a post about them when I stop being so damn lazy...

I went to America. It was awesome. New York was poo.

I became a registered nurse and I started my new job. I FREAKING LOVE IT!!!

I prestiged again in CoD. Drinks all round!!!

My baby brother started crawling.  He is such a ratbag!!!

I spent all of my first paycheck on alcohol, clothes, food and random kitchen goods. Money well spent, I wish I could do this every paycheck!!!

I will try to write something worth reading sometime soon.  Thank you to the people who continue to read this blog despite its clear lack of structure or substance.  Unfortunately, this is how it is so don't expect any improvements!

Ham xx