When I was about 8 years old I was climbing one of the trees in my new dress. Now I know what you are thinking. That doesn't sound like a good idea... And, in hindsight it was a bloody stupid idea. But, hey, my 8 year old brain was living in the moment and no dress was going to stop me climbing my trees. It was all fine until I decided to get out of the tree. I decided to jump out. It wasn't that high but, as it turns out, that wasn't the issue. My dress got hooked on an old cut off branch and proceeded to hang me. I was hanging in the tree, my face turning more and more red. I managed to call out to my 4 year old sister, who was climbing the trees with me. 'Get mum and dad,' I managed to choke out. She ran off, like a good sibling, to get our parents. She ran up to them and, do you know what she said? 'Mum! Dad! Sam is stuck in the tree!' It's a wonder I was still conscious by the time they wandered leisurely down the path towards me.
Since then I have almost poisoned myself with old mince on two separate occasions, given myself two very serious chest infections, broken my thumb doing a cartwheel and a million other stupid things. But I am not concerned with stupid things like almost knocking myself out after colliding with the fridge with my face in the dark. I have survived so many freak accidents that I am sure I am like a cockroach. Bring on the radiation.
I am more concerned with the crap I am putting in my body. I have this problem where, if there is food in front of me, I will keep eating until my stomach has taken up space in my chest that was reserved for my lungs. Even that would be OK though, if the content of my food was good. Unfortunately I tend to eat rubbish. I have these periods where I will eat so badly that I will guilt myself into eating healthy. The time that I stick with eating healthy is inversely proportional to the quality of the food consumed before the guilt diet.
Going by that information I think the food I have consumed in the last week means I will be eating salads for the next year. On Wednesday night (the Pictionary night) I had all manner of cheese, apple pie, ice cream, custard, olives, dip and crackers and lots of awful wine. Then yesterday I ate my own body weight in cake, chips, nachos and soft drink at our manager's farewell. It was so bad that I had to stay behind to recover because I couldn't breathe properly. We also went out to shooting last night and ate a million lollies and chocolate and I also drank beer and ate lots of dim sims. THEN this morning my coworkers and I had the brilliant idea of getting a certain fast food company's* food for breakfast.
Somehow I managed to down a pack of three hotcakes, a sausage and cheese muffin, a hash brown and a canned soft drink. Then I had a stupid idea. I decided to calculate how much of my daily intake I had squandered on such a fattening breakfast. I kind of wish I hadn't. Below is an illustration of my working:
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| This isn't a hotcakes lid, it's my tombstone... |
Fat: 59%
Saturated fat: 74%
Salt: 79.8%
Sugar: 98%
The worst part is that these would be for an averaged sized adult. I am not quite 5 foot 2 and only 55kg. I don't know about you but that doesn't seem like average. Also, I am pretty bad at exercising...
I can't believe I have had 98% of my daily sugar intake AT BREAKFAST. I have a Caramello Koala in my hand. It alone has 12% of my daily recommended sugar intake. I was going to be good and not have it, but then I realised I had a coffee this morning. A coffee with sugar. So, screw it. Bring on the chocolatey death...
EDIT: It appears that I have seriously overestimated my daily intake allowance. One of my friends pointed out that these values would be correct for an average male. I don't even want to do the math for the average female...
*I will refrain from mentioning their name so they don't sue/murder me. But we all know who I am talking about! ;)
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