I am currently on a trip through Spain, Portugal and Morocco so there won´t be any new Carrot for probably the next 3 weeks or so. When I am done I am planning on making a post on What Not To Do when travelling. I already have a few on the list... In the mean time, why don´t you check out these lovely blogs on the side bar for some interesting reads!
Hambo
xx
Friday, July 27, 2012
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Books are the new books.
There is something wonderful about old books. I love the smell and the way they feel. I love the worn cover and yellow pages. My most favourite type of old books has to be science fiction books. I love the ones written in the fifties, sixties and seventies the very most.
The most wonderful thing about them is that anything was still possible. They talk of simulacra, poop sheets and scutters. Stories of lush jungles on Venus and ebbing oceans on Mars. There are people who risk everything and people who are sacrificed. There is a bit of sexism too, and who doesn't like a bit of that? (Ok, that bit isn't so great...)
The stories are about people with the technology and the location being incidental. Whole lives can be lived in a day and worlds destroyed in an instant. One can live vicariously through a runner on last day as he strives for sanctuary. You can feel the importance of Mercerism in a world so devoid of hope and empathy. You can feel for the robots as they find loopholes in the three laws and even become human. You can enjoy your meals knowing it isn't soylent green... And thank god for that!
I wish we could write like they did. I know it sounds rather old of me but they really don't make them like this any more. I love the way they incorporate now obsolete technology in their future visions, they didn't need to describe or create an iPad to make a great story or invent a type of nuclear fusion engine to travel across the universe. They had poop sheets. They didn't need to invent the engine, it was just there and it simply worked.
I don't have to be my boring self. I can be an astronaut, a bounty hunter, a nexus 6: ANYTHING. The future is here and it came from 1966 or maybe 1974.
Some books you need to read right now in case you wake up dead in the morning...*:
Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? - Philip K Dick
A Maze of Death - Philip K Dick
Make Room! Make Room! - Harry Harrison
Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
Welcome to Infinity - Grant Naylor
The Midwich Cukoos - John Wyndam
Buy Jupiter - Issac Asimov
*Just to name a few. Maybe you have read none of them or you have read them all, either way you should go and buy them all now and read them because they kick the asses of sparkly vampires and what ever other crap kids these days are reading...
The most wonderful thing about them is that anything was still possible. They talk of simulacra, poop sheets and scutters. Stories of lush jungles on Venus and ebbing oceans on Mars. There are people who risk everything and people who are sacrificed. There is a bit of sexism too, and who doesn't like a bit of that? (Ok, that bit isn't so great...)
The stories are about people with the technology and the location being incidental. Whole lives can be lived in a day and worlds destroyed in an instant. One can live vicariously through a runner on last day as he strives for sanctuary. You can feel the importance of Mercerism in a world so devoid of hope and empathy. You can feel for the robots as they find loopholes in the three laws and even become human. You can enjoy your meals knowing it isn't soylent green... And thank god for that!
I wish we could write like they did. I know it sounds rather old of me but they really don't make them like this any more. I love the way they incorporate now obsolete technology in their future visions, they didn't need to describe or create an iPad to make a great story or invent a type of nuclear fusion engine to travel across the universe. They had poop sheets. They didn't need to invent the engine, it was just there and it simply worked.
I don't have to be my boring self. I can be an astronaut, a bounty hunter, a nexus 6: ANYTHING. The future is here and it came from 1966 or maybe 1974.
Some books you need to read right now in case you wake up dead in the morning...*:
Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? - Philip K Dick
A Maze of Death - Philip K Dick
Make Room! Make Room! - Harry Harrison
Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
Welcome to Infinity - Grant Naylor
The Midwich Cukoos - John Wyndam
Buy Jupiter - Issac Asimov
*Just to name a few. Maybe you have read none of them or you have read them all, either way you should go and buy them all now and read them because they kick the asses of sparkly vampires and what ever other crap kids these days are reading...
 |
| Some of my newest babies! |
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Slaughter at Animal Farm - The fall of Democracy and Human Rights
It may be that I have just finished reading George Orwell's well known novel, Animal Farm, or it may be that I have just had it with the Australian political parties. Probably a healthy dose of both the former and the latter. In recent weeks I have been keenly watching the debates and politics on a very important topic. Gay marriage. Although the effect all these decisions has on me personally is probably about zero I cannot help but feel that a gross miscarriage of justice is occurring. **This is not the best structured thing I have ever written, so excuse the layout etc. **
The Anti-Discrimination Age... Or is it?
I live in a world where I am protected from all kinds of discrimination. Although I am not quite 5' 2" I am now able to join the police force without fear of being rejected for not meeting the height restriction. When I line up at the polls, go for a job interview or even wear pants there is no one there to tell me that I cannot do that because I am a woman (I am kidding, why would I wear pants? Pants are overrated...). When I go to work no-one is there to tell me I must wear make up or that I cannot wear it. I cannot be fired from my job for being too old. If I were an Indigenous Australian I am not able to be stopped from marrying anyone from another race, I have the right to all those any white Australian has (and damn right they should have).
If I were a Gay/Lesbian or Bisexual Australian I am told I cannot get married. I am also told I am no longer allowed to have a civil union and can only "register" my relationship, which smacks of condescension as a comparison to registering one's dog or cat. I am also to be told that I cannot seek a surrogate to have my children. As a single parent I can adopt a child but I cannot adopt one into my loving family if I am in a homosexual relationship.
Once it was illegal for women to vote. It was illegal for Indigenous Australians to have interracial relationships and their children were taken away to 'a better life'. Once being too short would have you excluded from any number of jobs, not just entering the Police force. Yet I am free to do what ever any Australian male or female can do... except if I was a lesbian.
Although I am not in a same sex relationship I am still very much outraged at how the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgendered people are treated in this country and are treated in many other countries. When I have children they may fall into the above categories and I will be damned if I were to sit by and watch my country discriminate against them in such a blatant and flippant manner. 'We gave you civil unions! Shut up your whinge holes!' is a translation of what I hear a vast majority of bigoted politicians saying. Well, now even that is gone.
Discrimination Defined
As far as I can tell, discrimination is where something:
Breaches of human rights by any Commonwealth body or agency and discrimination in employment on the basis of race, colour, sex, religion, political opinion, national extraction, social origin, age, medical record, criminal record, marital status, impairment, disability, nationality, sexual preference, trade union activity. (Australian Human Rights Commission, 2007, www.hreoc.gov.au/)
Seems straight forward, right? Hahahaha! You are so naive! The law for discrimination regarding sexual preference and gender discrimination vary from state to state and they even have their own lists of what is protected by these laws. For instance in Queensland gender identity is covered but in the Northern Territory it is not. You are covered for discrimination regarding breastfeeding but in New South Wales it is not noted... The above extract is actually the Federal Law, but you will need to go through your State system before you get to the Federal Court.
So although in theory Australia does not tolerate discrimination, the Laws in reality are not quite so equal. States are free to choose their inclusions for discrimination, but I cannot see Australia standing for reintroduction of the White Australia Policy or revoking women's voting rights so why allow gay/lesbian/bi/trangender driscrimination??
The Religion Factor
So why do we allow discrimination based on something that happens in a persons private relationship? Many people will argue that marriage is a religious construct and that religions should not be forced to perform marriages where they do not recognise it morally.
My boyfriend and I can be married by the state without any involvement from any church. Hell, I can fly off to Vegas tomorrow and have myself a shotgun Elvis wedding and have it recognised. No church there! I think that the religions should make their own stand on marriage in their churches, that is their place of jurisdiction. Go nuts. This should not mean, however that the Government has the right to deny a marriage based on the same grounds. THEY ARE NOT A RELIGION THEY ARE THE EFFING GOVERNMENT.
Having said that, there are even some Church communities that support Gay marriage. They should have the right to do what they see is fit. Just because some churches will not allow it does not mean that the others should be told what they want to do is illegal...
Happy Days on the Animal Farm
Now the remaining point I wish to address in today's post is this... Why is Democracy dead? Although it may have happened a great deal of time before this event, for me it was the day that Julia Gillard stood up as Prime Minister. Kevin Rudd may not have been the most awesome Prime Minister (I kind of liked him though) but he was the head of our Government, elected BY THE PEOPLE. I know that in Australia we are not really voting for one person, we are in actuality voting for a party of people, but I never voted for Julia Gillard to be the face of our Government. No one did.
Just in Animal Farm, when the animals had decided the pigs were to be in charge of the farm, they were taken over by a pig they did not elect themselves. Then came the decisions which were only decided upon by the pigs. Why do the politicians get a 'conscience vote' and Australia gets no vote at all? When did democracy become a just word instead of an actually practice?
Perhaps Kevin Rudd would have pushed for Gay Marriage, maybe not. However, having the face of Australia who is not willing to consider Gay Marriage because she doesn't want to get married is a crock of shit. It is almost like saying 'I don't want to have children, so why would you want to?' or 'I am happy being in an abusive relationship, so I do not see the need to make beating on you wife illegal'.
Come on Julia, give Australia the chance to decide on Gay Marriage. We are not children who need to be told what is good for us, we have the right to vote for what our fellow human beings deserve. Equality. Or are you afraid that you will be shown to be wrong and that Australia in fact welcomes Gay Marriage and that it does shit all to the 'institution of family' because they are all just people like you and me? Because love is not about marriage, but marriage should only be about love? Love that you and the other politicians have no right to judge and deem worthy or unworthy of marriage.
Give us the chance to vote for real tangible things, like the rights of Gays/Lesbians/Transgendered. Give them the right to vote for what they want. As it stands we vote in a party and then they do whatever the hell they like. Democracy? Only for some.
The Anti-Discrimination Age... Or is it?
I live in a world where I am protected from all kinds of discrimination. Although I am not quite 5' 2" I am now able to join the police force without fear of being rejected for not meeting the height restriction. When I line up at the polls, go for a job interview or even wear pants there is no one there to tell me that I cannot do that because I am a woman (I am kidding, why would I wear pants? Pants are overrated...). When I go to work no-one is there to tell me I must wear make up or that I cannot wear it. I cannot be fired from my job for being too old. If I were an Indigenous Australian I am not able to be stopped from marrying anyone from another race, I have the right to all those any white Australian has (and damn right they should have).
If I were a Gay/Lesbian or Bisexual Australian I am told I cannot get married. I am also told I am no longer allowed to have a civil union and can only "register" my relationship, which smacks of condescension as a comparison to registering one's dog or cat. I am also to be told that I cannot seek a surrogate to have my children. As a single parent I can adopt a child but I cannot adopt one into my loving family if I am in a homosexual relationship.
Once it was illegal for women to vote. It was illegal for Indigenous Australians to have interracial relationships and their children were taken away to 'a better life'. Once being too short would have you excluded from any number of jobs, not just entering the Police force. Yet I am free to do what ever any Australian male or female can do... except if I was a lesbian.
Although I am not in a same sex relationship I am still very much outraged at how the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgendered people are treated in this country and are treated in many other countries. When I have children they may fall into the above categories and I will be damned if I were to sit by and watch my country discriminate against them in such a blatant and flippant manner. 'We gave you civil unions! Shut up your whinge holes!' is a translation of what I hear a vast majority of bigoted politicians saying. Well, now even that is gone.
Discrimination Defined
As far as I can tell, discrimination is where something:
Breaches of human rights by any Commonwealth body or agency and discrimination in employment on the basis of race, colour, sex, religion, political opinion, national extraction, social origin, age, medical record, criminal record, marital status, impairment, disability, nationality, sexual preference, trade union activity. (Australian Human Rights Commission, 2007, www.hreoc.gov.au/)
Seems straight forward, right? Hahahaha! You are so naive! The law for discrimination regarding sexual preference and gender discrimination vary from state to state and they even have their own lists of what is protected by these laws. For instance in Queensland gender identity is covered but in the Northern Territory it is not. You are covered for discrimination regarding breastfeeding but in New South Wales it is not noted... The above extract is actually the Federal Law, but you will need to go through your State system before you get to the Federal Court.
So although in theory Australia does not tolerate discrimination, the Laws in reality are not quite so equal. States are free to choose their inclusions for discrimination, but I cannot see Australia standing for reintroduction of the White Australia Policy or revoking women's voting rights so why allow gay/lesbian/bi/trangender driscrimination??
The Religion Factor
So why do we allow discrimination based on something that happens in a persons private relationship? Many people will argue that marriage is a religious construct and that religions should not be forced to perform marriages where they do not recognise it morally.
My boyfriend and I can be married by the state without any involvement from any church. Hell, I can fly off to Vegas tomorrow and have myself a shotgun Elvis wedding and have it recognised. No church there! I think that the religions should make their own stand on marriage in their churches, that is their place of jurisdiction. Go nuts. This should not mean, however that the Government has the right to deny a marriage based on the same grounds. THEY ARE NOT A RELIGION THEY ARE THE EFFING GOVERNMENT.
Having said that, there are even some Church communities that support Gay marriage. They should have the right to do what they see is fit. Just because some churches will not allow it does not mean that the others should be told what they want to do is illegal...
Happy Days on the Animal Farm
Now the remaining point I wish to address in today's post is this... Why is Democracy dead? Although it may have happened a great deal of time before this event, for me it was the day that Julia Gillard stood up as Prime Minister. Kevin Rudd may not have been the most awesome Prime Minister (I kind of liked him though) but he was the head of our Government, elected BY THE PEOPLE. I know that in Australia we are not really voting for one person, we are in actuality voting for a party of people, but I never voted for Julia Gillard to be the face of our Government. No one did.
Just in Animal Farm, when the animals had decided the pigs were to be in charge of the farm, they were taken over by a pig they did not elect themselves. Then came the decisions which were only decided upon by the pigs. Why do the politicians get a 'conscience vote' and Australia gets no vote at all? When did democracy become a just word instead of an actually practice?
Perhaps Kevin Rudd would have pushed for Gay Marriage, maybe not. However, having the face of Australia who is not willing to consider Gay Marriage because she doesn't want to get married is a crock of shit. It is almost like saying 'I don't want to have children, so why would you want to?' or 'I am happy being in an abusive relationship, so I do not see the need to make beating on you wife illegal'.
Come on Julia, give Australia the chance to decide on Gay Marriage. We are not children who need to be told what is good for us, we have the right to vote for what our fellow human beings deserve. Equality. Or are you afraid that you will be shown to be wrong and that Australia in fact welcomes Gay Marriage and that it does shit all to the 'institution of family' because they are all just people like you and me? Because love is not about marriage, but marriage should only be about love? Love that you and the other politicians have no right to judge and deem worthy or unworthy of marriage.
Give us the chance to vote for real tangible things, like the rights of Gays/Lesbians/Transgendered. Give them the right to vote for what they want. As it stands we vote in a party and then they do whatever the hell they like. Democracy? Only for some.
Saturday, May 19, 2012
To All The Asshole Gamers...
It may come as a surprise to some of you that some online CoD players are assholes. Try not to be too surprised, I know it is quite a shock. If they are not too busy trying to make you want to kill yourself (and not just in the game) then they seem to have a morbid fascination with putting inanimate objects into certain women's orifices. It doesn't sound like teenage boys/adolecent boys at all! As much as I don't really care what people say about me it is kind of hard to play strategically when you have to put up with people being so ungentlemanly. For those of you lucky enough not to know what I am raving and ranting about, see my collated data below.
As you can see, being a female in the online gamers world can be fraught with hazards. That is why I have provided four hypothetical comebacks you can use should the need arise. These are some I have used and I find them quite disparging to the over enthusiastic 'gentleman'.
#1. Get back in the kitchen!
This is on of my favourites. I love this one. I think they forget they are talking to a woman, the world's champion multi-tasker. I once made a stirfry while playing CoD and managed to keep positive ratios. Making the bread and butter pudding whilst playing was extra tricky because it resulted in butter ending up all over the controller...
# 2. You are hot, want to have sex?
If they have not determined you are fat and ugly it is most likely they will want to copulate with you. This is an amusing prospect as most of these players cannot spell vagina, let alone know what to do with one. I find the best approach is to then sound androgenous and switch between pretending to be male and actually being female. I find this calls their sexuality into question enough for them to decide it isn't worth the risk...
# 3 . You are big and fat and your vagina smells like fish.
I find the best response is a golden oldie... 'That's not what your mum said last night.'
# 4.You are gay!
I find this one quite entertaining. Not only does one sexuality have nothing to do with how well you play video games, it doesn't make the fact that I kicked your ass any less humilating. You could also use #3 response but change it slightly... 'That's exactly what your mum said last night. Then we had sex.'
So this has been helpfull advice from your local gaming Hambo. I am interested, what kind of insults have you come across? (male and female) How did you deal with them? Need some advice? Just ask Ham!
As you can see, being a female in the online gamers world can be fraught with hazards. That is why I have provided four hypothetical comebacks you can use should the need arise. These are some I have used and I find them quite disparging to the over enthusiastic 'gentleman'.
#1. Get back in the kitchen!
This is on of my favourites. I love this one. I think they forget they are talking to a woman, the world's champion multi-tasker. I once made a stirfry while playing CoD and managed to keep positive ratios. Making the bread and butter pudding whilst playing was extra tricky because it resulted in butter ending up all over the controller...
 |
| Puh-lease, making sandwhiches are for noobs. Come back to me when you have made a fucking croque en bouche... |
# 2. You are hot, want to have sex?
If they have not determined you are fat and ugly it is most likely they will want to copulate with you. This is an amusing prospect as most of these players cannot spell vagina, let alone know what to do with one. I find the best approach is to then sound androgenous and switch between pretending to be male and actually being female. I find this calls their sexuality into question enough for them to decide it isn't worth the risk...
# 3 . You are big and fat and your vagina smells like fish.
I find the best response is a golden oldie... 'That's not what your mum said last night.'
# 4.You are gay!
I find this one quite entertaining. Not only does one sexuality have nothing to do with how well you play video games, it doesn't make the fact that I kicked your ass any less humilating. You could also use #3 response but change it slightly... 'That's exactly what your mum said last night. Then we had sex.'
So this has been helpfull advice from your local gaming Hambo. I am interested, what kind of insults have you come across? (male and female) How did you deal with them? Need some advice? Just ask Ham!
Friday, May 4, 2012
Read it again if you do not understand...
I spent my day off sick making this totally awesome and very usefull meme. I just want the world to know that when it is famous, I made it first. At least, I am pretty sure I did...
Saturday, April 7, 2012
The Least Likely Day...
Some times crazy things, UNBELIEVABLE things happen. Things that are so crazy that it seems it couldn't be true. Like people having psychic experiences or coincidences that seem to good to be true. The following story comes into this category of story. I am having trouble believing it myself! I promise it is all pure truth!
The story starts with the end of another story. I had just been to visit my friend who lives a couple of hours away for a day of cheese, shopping and awesome chilling out. The day was over and I was on my way home. I was getting tired, so being the responsible adult I am, I decided to have a break. At a McDonalds. I took my time and stuffed my face. Feeling much revived, I went back to my car to continue the journey. It was getting dark and the moon was looking amazing on the horizon so I decided to take a picture. I was getting out my phone when a guy appeared out of the shadows.
I very nearly crapped myself. Before I had a chance to escape the man was talking to me.
Man 'Hi, are you going to Brisbane by any chance? :
Me: Ummm. Yeah I am. (thinking: PLEASE DON'T RAPE ME!!!!)
Man: I was wondering if I could ask you a huge favour. I have a flat and have no spare, can we use yours and give it back at Brisbane?
I must admit I have an issue saying no to people in need, so I said, sure. The man just happened to have a Ford Festiva just a couple of years older than mine, with four studs, just like mine. So we are in my boot, it's dark, trying to get my tyre out. I tried to make excuses like it could be flat. No cigar. Are you sure your car is a four bolt? Yes. Damnit. Then, a stroke of good luck. We don't have anything that fits the bolt, his tools are obviously rubbish and it's so dark I can't even find mine. Nothing is working, and the bolt won't come out. Thank the lord!
So they guys girlfriend (who is dressed in a dressing gown) comes over to help. She strips off the dressing gown and is wearing, what I can only assume, are denim nickers and some kind of skimpy tank top. Did I mention she had a shaved head but still had a fringe and a dozen VISIBLE piercings.
It gets better. I am starting to get worried that this is some kind of set up. We eventually find my tools and something that fits the bolt, but still, it doesn't budge. We can't get the tyre out, so the boyfriend goes to get help. The girl friend yells out to him to get some big strong guy to help, but with more 'fucks' in that sentence. You will never believe who he brings back.
A midget.
A fucking midget.
So then there is this guy, a near naked Tank Girl look-a-like, a midget and me trying to get this tyre out. This has to be a set up. You could not make this shit up.
So in the end it turns out, we were screwing it the wrong way. Who knew some bolts are screwed to the right and not the left? I thought I was going to get out of this increasingly bazaar situation. At this point I am wondering that if they don't stop to give me back my tyre later it may not be the worst thing in the world, who knows how much more crazy this thing could get? So we finally get the tyre out and take it over to the mans car. It doesn't even fucking fit.
We put it back in my car, I don't even bother screwing the fucking thing in and I drive into the sunset.... AS FAST AS I CAN.
The end.
Believe it or not, this is a true story.
If you don't know what Tank Girl is check out this pic: http://chod.deviantart.com/art/Tank-Girl-Baseball-Bat-11892605 . It is a perfect representation of the girl I saw today. You can see why I was worried...
If you don't know what Tank Girl is check out this pic: http://chod.deviantart.com/art/Tank-Girl-Baseball-Bat-11892605 . It is a perfect representation of the girl I saw today. You can see why I was worried...
Monday, April 2, 2012
The Birds
For some reason in Australia one of the most ever hated birds is the crow. Growing up as a child I watched my family curse these jet black creatures and all the while I just couldn't summon up that kind of blind hatred for any living thing. For a while I would caw out the back of our house, just to let them know they weren't really hated... just misunderstood.
Move forward a few years to when I lived with my dad on a small (very small) property out of town. It was much easier to find hate for those birds when they would sit outside your window cawing as soon as the sun looked to be coming up. As a teenager I loathed them because they robbed me of my most important thing. Sleep. Before I even moved in with my dad and step-mum they had already taught Cody the poodle to chase those damn crows. He was effective at scattering them, but they always came back.
One day we were in the yard having a BBQ with some friends, probably whingeing about the crows, when we spot a couple behaving rather oddly down the back of the paddock. One was flying overhead and the other was hopping along the ground, kind of like the bird version of a kangaroo. It looked ridiculous. That was, until we noticed what it was hopping at. It was actively chasing a western brown snake out of our yard. It was really hard to stop Cody from trying to murder the crows. Pun intended.
Jump forward another few years to this morning. On the way to work I always see crows, they seem to love hanging around my route to work. I usually give them a mental salute. Today was no exception. A couple of crows were cawing out of a mango tree. 'Hey there crows', I would think. I walked around the corner of the street and startled a crow eating something unidentifiable out of an old Chinese food container. To be honest, it kind of scared me too, he was kind of creepy... weird. Then I hear it. So many voices cawing out. Oh, god. I see it...
At least thirty crows going nuts. I suddenly feel like it is a scene from The Birds and do what any normal person would do. Film it. Turns out there is a lady walking down the road supplementing their diet with old bread. Thank christ. I thought they were there for my soul...
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