Day of the Rapture

I woke up this morning feeling slightly off.  I was coughing pathetically and aching all over.  It was 4 am and I was wondering what I had done to deserve being woken up at this time on a Sunday morning.  Then I realised I was going to work on a Sunday, so the Rapture was probably getting in early. Since the Rapture was set for 6pm, I figured it was probably according to American time and therefore I would be safe to sin for a few more hours yet.

After staring into my coffee for 20 minutes I finally got ready for work.  It was then that I realised it was raining.  Sign of the coming Rapture #2.  It was cold and wet and I bet God knows that I already felt like crap and was making me miserable on purpose.  And being sick it was the perfect miserable combination.  Not to mention there was a snail sleeping perfectly in the middle of my front door, right at eye height too. I eyed it suspiciously as I left.  I have lived at this place for 3 years and never once seen a snail... A sign of the coming Rapture?

On my way to work my MP3 player died and in the silence I pondered the situation I was in.  In the event of the coming Rapture, on a scale of 1 to 10, how screwed am I? Just the day before I had used very reliable flow charts to check whether I should prepare the choirs of Angels or the fire retardant blankets.  I decided that they probably weren't all that accurate.

Work was ok, but not great.  We had to go back to a ward that we DROVE DOWN THE STREET TO (yes, it is that far away) and that was a pain, but I think that sign of the coming Rapture was neutralised by the fact that we bought ham and cheese pies for breakfast.

Now, I am pretty sure that it is past Rapture o'clock and nothing catastrophic has really happened yet.  In fact, I have surfed the Internet at work all morning, had pie for breakfast and slept a little, too.  If this is the Rapture then, seriously God, you are going to have to try harder.  Pies are no punishment for the wicked.