Unfortunately reading the post had almost the opposite of the effect I had intended. I was outraged. Not only were some of the comments downright sexist and degrading to SO MANY GROUPS OF PEOPLE it was being celebrated by someone, anyone, and that just felt plain wrong to me. To post this atrocity in any light other than ironic and sarcastic made me physically ache in my brain for this generation.
So I have made this list in my own light, with my own experience, because no one should feel like they are less than human because of their size, gender or sexual preference. And because FUCK THIS GUY.
(**Original post from the other site are left in bold, anything else is alllllll me. I didn't do them all because it is midnight, but you get the gist)
2. Don’t hit the snooze button. If you gotta get up, then get up. Fuck this guy. Snoozing is the most luxurious and delightful feeling. Just make sure you set your alarm 10 minutes earlier to compensate...
3. Shaving is more than a suggestion. That goes for men and double for women. Never let anyone tell you who or how to be. Be yourself, do what the fuck you want with any and all of your hair and if someone else has an issue with that, then maybe it isn't you that has the problem...
4. If you eat enough pizza, you will turn into a tub of oily cheese. If you eat only pizza you may be deficient in a number of vitamins and minerals, but EAT WHAT YOU FUCKING WANT because your body is yours. Don't let people shame you for your eating habits, no one else owns you.
5. Running isn’t just for four-legged animals. Nice observation. I know what you are getting at, seeing as it is coupled with a pizza point, but not everyone is built to run. I have issues with my hips and I know heaps of people who have problems with their knees, because running is shit on your leg joints. So my advice is that exercise is awesome for releasing endorphins, but do it your way and for your own reasons.
6. Getting high gets old.
7. Getting drunk doesn’t. But don’t tell that to your liver.
Just remember: Alcohol is a drug. Treat it like one. Wait...
10. Dating is overrated and usually a waste of time. Don't let people tell you how to conduct your relationships.
12. Facebook is boring and a waste of time. It is. Really.Read my blog instead.
13. When you think you’re missing out, you’re not. Or you might be. If you are missing out on vaccinations you are really missing out...
14. Nothing good happens after 3 a.m. Watch How I Met Your Mother, it is better at giving advice on life experience than this drivel.
15. Sex is better if you are emotionally involved with your partner. Sex is better when people stop telling you how to have sex. As long as you and your partner/s are consensual then sex is better when you decide it is...
16. Reading is always better than watching TV. Except if you are reading trashy mags, get some David Attenborough into you.
17. Watching reality TV makes you dumber. Actually, I agree with this one. Good work, man! You got one!
18. Yay, you can twerk!! But can you do anything useful? I feel dirty even knowing what that word means. But hey, if you aren't twerking at me...
19. The way people see you is just as important as the way you see yourself. The way you see yourself is the most important thing. Don't let others dictate your worth or define you. You are your own person, you don't owe any one looking or behaving a certain way just to fit their ideal image. As long as you are a good person fuck what everyone else thinks.
20. Friends are hard to come by. Don’t ignore those you have. See original quote. Goddamn this post would be easier to write if I could put this for more of them...
21. Most people want something from you. Some people will want your time, your love and others may want your money. The beauty of interacting with others is you can mostly dictate what you give them. If someone wants something you are not willing to give then maybe you should speak up.
22. There is no such thing as free. My grandad always told me that smiles were free. When he died, I was crushed, so now I do my best to smile at as many people as I can. His free advice changed my life. Try not to be too cynical, sometimes good things happen.
25. Listening to music too loud CAN make you go deaf. And life is too short to listen to shit music. Go to concerts and sing to music in the car. Life is to be lived.
28. If you want to know if the relationship will work out, then let him see you without your makeup. If you wear make up. And if your partner is shallow. Not only does this enforce stereotypes of women looking horrid without make up but it also gives little credit to either person. If you want to know if your relationship will work out try not getting advice from idiots on the internet.
29. Being in a relationship is not a reason to let yourself go. Dressing and grooming to someone else's expectations is not healthy. The best thing to do is be yourself and if your partner is such a shallow fuck that they don't like that you are doing then maybe you need to talk.
32. Guys: she may say it’s an exit only, but that’s only because she’s never given it a try. #Shocker. Consent is sexy. If you want to try something new then make sure you check with your partner/s first. If they say they don't like it, you may ask them why... but if they don't want to talk about it, skip it and never fucking raise it again unless they do first. Respect their right to say no and don't be a douche.
33. Stop using hashtags. They’re not always appropriate. I hate hashtags, unless used ironically. #outofOJ.
34. If you can get her into bed before date 3, then you’ll get bored with her by week 2. If you are stupid enough to listen to posts like this then you probably shouldn't be having sex.
35. If you give it up too soon then he’ll consider you conquered and move onto the next mountain. Getting to the point in a relationship where you are starting to have sex is not a conquest, it is certainly not something to be given up. Only you should decide when you are comfortable having sex with someone, this DEFINITELY goes both ways.
36. Women are never free. Mostly because we are being degraded by ass-hats like the guy who wrote this post. I know, I know, that's not what he meant. But seriously, women are not a commodity to be bought and sold. Having a relationship with anyone is going to cost time (at the very least) and will probably involve spending money. Unless you flee the restaurant without paying. Then you are a criminal.
37. Men may not only be looking for sex, but sex is definitely a part of it. A big part. If you think men mostly have sex on the brain then you are really oversimplifying how men think and behave. Not just men like sex, and not every man thinks about sex as much or in the same way as another man.
38. Waiting until you get married to have sex is stupid. Don't let anyone tell you when you should be having sex. Wanting to wait until you are married to have sex isn't stupid, it's your choice.
40. If you’re going to get a tattoo then make it small and have it somewhere inconspicuous. If you are going to get a tattoo get what you want. Seriously. Don't get something small and hide it away just because some asshole might be judgmental. When you pick a design, sit on it for a bit. Make sure it is really what you want and where you want it. Then make sure you research your tattoo artists. Your tattoo should be for you and you only.
43. If you’re feeling sh*tty, get some exercise. Again with the endorphins, but don't forget that you can also talk to someone you trust, take some time just for your self or, if it is more than just feeling shitty, you can talk to a counsellor or a healthcare professional. Depression is serious business.
44. You should always do your best to look your best because it will make you feel your best. I partially agree with this one. I think you should be happy in what you wear. If you like wearing only leather and that makes you happy, go for it! Love corsets? Wear yourself some happy. Do it for yourself, because you are awesome. We feel our best when we can openly be ourselves, so work towards doing that.
45. Orgies. Yep, they happen. Realise it.
48. Having the ability to read people will get you further in life than anything else. Except for having the ability to comprehend what you have read. Being able to critically evaluate the information you take in will take you far. Learn to be selective with what you believe.
49. It’s not just whom you know, but also what you know that matters. For fuck's sake. See above.
53. Less is almost always more. Except when it comes to money, standards of living and oxygen. My advice is learn to know the difference between when less is more and when it is, in actuality, less.
54. Beauty lies in simplicity. Everyone sees beauty differently. Learn to see the beauty in different things and people... the world is truly beautiful.
55. Overcomplicating things leaves things overly complicated. I don't even.
56. If you sleep around with a lot of people, then you are a whore. But who cares? As long as you’re clean, you’re clean. Sleeping with a lot of people doesn't make you a whore and if you get paid for sex as a profession tell people you are a prostitute or call girl or whatever, don't let them talk to you like trash.
57. Make mistakes now. Making them later will be too late. Learn from your mistakes, we all make them but it is how we learn from them that counts. But if you do something where people can die if you make mistakes, don't be scared to ask for help... You don't want to make those mistakes.
58. We all want what we can’t have. Remind yourself of that every day. Remind yourself that it is good to dream and aspire for more. Maybe being the first person on Mars isn't a super achievable dream but being happy or getting yourself the new PS4 is.
59. You can do less and produce more. Don't forget that you are a person, not a cog in the machine...
61. You can’t buy time. 100%. So make it count, see the two posts above...
63. They stopped making good music in the 90s. Not if you listen to TripleJ. My advice is listen to the lesser known, try out the underground and undiscovered scene.
64. You don’t actually want to be a DJ. You just don’t understand what it means to be one. FUCK YOU. You don't know my dreams. Scatman says I can. Or something.
65. Lower your expectations and you won’t be so disappointed. Fuck this. I say know when your expectations are unreasonable but also know when they need to be met. If you lower all your expectations you will never strive for better and will end up miserable with something or some one you do not want. Be true to yourself.
Holy shit. Only number sixty-fucking-five. Nothing crushes your rage like elebenty billion words... Ok, deleted a whole load because they were just shit like 'Yoga' and more sex bullshit. See my previous points...
67. Size does matter. It goes for both sexes. Love and genitals come in all shapes and sizes, if you expect only to get/see those in the pornos you will be surprised. Don't narrow your field based on societies expectations of the human body, go with what you find attractive.
69. Don’t say I love you unless you mean it. People will tell you that they love only to say later that they no longer do. Being in love isn't a linear equation. Yes, tell people you love them only if you really mean it, but don't hold it back out of fear that somewhere along the line that may change.
70. Don’t be afraid to fall in love. This. Thank you for posting something intelligent. Fall in love, in all kinds of love. Have a bromance, a... whatever the female equivalent is and don't be afraid to love friends as friends.
72. Violence is for idiots. Use your words. Two in a row. Don't get excited now...
73. Being smarter does make you the better person. Being the better person makes you the better person. Being smarter but being an asshole about it makes you an asshole. Know when to back away and when enough is enough. Hurting someone to make a point just points out that you are a dick.
75. You don’t need to be an assh*le to get ahead in life, but you can’t be a pushover either. See above.
79. If you’re going to smoke, then use a vaporizer. Smoking is your choice, just make sure you don't take away from someones choice not to smoke.
80. It is morally wrong to be obese.I was just reading over my published post and realised I forgot to write about this one. I was so mad at the time I was going to come back to it because I couldn't make a coherent sentence from ALL THE RAGE. As a nurse I want people to be as healthy as they can be, and I know that just because someone is obese doesn't mean they aren't healthy. I could go on and on but the fact of the matter is that it is no one else's fucking business what you weigh. If you are over or underweight because of any kind of illness that is between you and your healthcare provider or people you wish to discuss it with. People have different reasons for being different weights and being a nosey and assuming fuck makes you an asshole. I can't even with the words.
More sex bullshit. Blah blah blah.
83. If you’re using the pulling-out method, then you have a good chance of pulling out a baby in a few months. My advice is research your birth control methods, speak with your doctor and finally TALK ABOUT IT with your sexual partner. Remember, it's not just about not having a baby, it's about being safe.
84. Don’t drink cheap liquor. I drink $5 wine and it is fucking delicious. Drink cheap liquor if it is tasty.
86. Drink lots and lots of water. Most of you are chronically dehydrated. Probably accurate, but just remember that there is too much of a good thing and some medical conditions have limits on the amount of fluid you should be ingesting. And for all the tea drinkers out there... It totally counts. So quit telling your granparents to stop drinking tea and start drinking water.
87. Meditate. To me this should be 'make time for yourself'. So... like, do that.
88. Sudoku helps fight off future dementia. Actually any kind of mental stimulation that is new is looking to be your best bet. Doing sudoku every day for twenty years will probably do shit all, but making new neural pathways by learning a new language, or anything new goes a long way.
89. You don’t have ADD. Unless you do. Fuck this annoys me. If you have been medically diagnosed then you do. If you just drink a lot of caffeine and have a short attention span you probably shouldn't self diagnose.
90. You’re most likely to be your own cause of depression. Depression is not a self inflicted state. Fuck this guy and that statement. Depression is legitimate and can be completely crippling. It may be from many different causes (trauma, brain chemistry etc.) But do not think it is your fault.
91. The way you see the world is all that matters. But understand that you may be delusional. Don't let people tell you the world isn't a beautiful and ugly place. Both exist in the world, try and seek out the good.
92. There’s always more to the story. I never believed that happily ever after bullshit anyway...
93. People lie. And never trust a physician named House.
94. You are alone in this life. Accept that and appreciate the moments when you don’t feel so alone. You are never truly alone. And even if you feel like you are, YANA.
95. Family is more important. Family is not just who is related to you by blood. Family can be friends. Make your family how you want it to be.
98. You are always better off than most people in the world. Even if this is true it doesn't take away your right to feel sorry for yourself every now and then. 'Had both legs amputated and your face fell off? Well at least you aren't just a head in a jar!' Fuck you.
99. You aren’t entitled to sh*t — nada. You get what you earn. Everyone is entitled to respect and basic human rights. If you see someone having theirs taken away, then do something. Next time it could be you.
100. No matter what happens, never give up. Ever. Except if it's having sex without consent or trying to assassinate the prime minister. Probably should make an exception... Ok, that's mean. What I should say is: If you really want something do everything you can to make it happen... Life is too short to have regrets.
Considering I have just finished a late shift at work and my brain is mush I think I did Ok. Feel free to comment about anything on the original post or on anything I have said. Or not. I am not the boss of you...
